Leadership 101

“Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites came to her to have their disputes decided. She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, "The LORD, the God of Israel, commands you: 'Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead the way to Mount Tabor. I will lure Sisera, the commander of Jabin's army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands.' “ Barak said to her, "If you go with me, I will go; but if you don't go with me, I won't go.” "Very well," Deborah said, "I will go with you. But because of the way you are going about this, the honor will not be yours, for the LORD will hand Sisera over to a woman." …“

Judges 4:4-9 (New International Version

Leadership 101

Uncle Mike died.

I just did not expect to hear that or read that so soon. Capt. Michael J. O’Brien (i.e., Uncle Mike) was larger than life to us. The oldest of five children, he was my mother’s oldest brother. The pecking order was Mike, Mom (Ann), Bobby, Kathleen (for whom I was named), and Steve. Perhaps being first born prepared him for leadership in other capacities throughout his life.

Actually, all of my mom’s brothers have been very successful in their lives and their careers. They have all had some extreme challenges, too. But Uncle Mike was our family’s “Kennedy”, if you will. He was a Viet Nam veteran and a leader in the United States Coast Guard, serving as Chief of Staff Enlisted Personnel and Liaison Office to the White House among other positions. Subsequently, he led numerous lucrative initiatives for the Grand Bahama Port Authority in the Bahamas. He retired with Honours from the United States Coast Guard and so will be buried at Arlington National Cemetery in October.

Visiting the O’Brien side of my family was a treasured experience for me as a child – the earliest memory I have of being around my uncles was actually while playing “Old Maid” with my grandmother (we called her “Nanny”). In hindsight it is obvious that they would signal to her what cards she should pick from my hand because I always lost that game, and I seem to remember finally catching them at it.

I’ve always been proud of my uncles. My mother held them in the highest esteem and I followed suit. I knew I had the best uncles a person could have. They represented strength, humour, goodness and honour to me. I felt their hearts were inclined to do the right thing in all circumstances. That was their objective.

My mother’s brothers are all very well educated, intelligent and politically astute – they are the type of people that can quickly and accurately assess situations and respond on their feet, though they waste no words generally speaking. I’ve always appreciated just sitting and talking with my uncles and getting their perspective on situations in my life or in the world at large.

One of the most memorable perspectives I received was in 1997. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to take my mother on a trip to Florida and the Bahamas for Uncle Mike’s second wedding. At that time, the news of the day included a big court case involving the Virginia Military Institute’s (VMI) policy disallowing women into their programs. I was eager to get Uncle Mike’s perspective on the situation simply because he was a leader in the military himself previously. When I asked him for his take on the issue, he paused for a moment, then looked at me and said, “You can either do the right thing, or have someone make you do the right thing – which would you prefer?”

It seems so simple when stated like that. He captured the whole case in one statement – clearly, the leader of VMI had a choice. Yet clearly, he had wrongly chosen to fight the issue and indeed, later that year, the institute was forced to accept women into their school. Imagine how much stronger a leader he would have been, though, if he had chosen to do the right thing himself instead of being corrected and forced to do so by a judge.

Life’s challenges and temptations seem to put me in the same position as that VMI leader every day. And I can either do the right thing, or face correction just as that military institution’s leader faced. This is my training ground right here, right now. How will I choose to live?

Lord, I thank you for the lesson available through the study of Deborah and Barak. And I thank you for all of my uncles, and in particular right now, my Uncle Mike. Thank you for allowing Mike a long life, a life well spent in loving others, encouraging others, defending others and leading others. I pray that you comfort his family and others who will keenly feel his absence from their lives, including me.