Tum Tatty Tum!

'Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." '
Matthew 18:2-3

Tum Tatty Tum!

Now, that title makes absolutely no sense at all . . . unless your name is Kathy and you are looking into the earnest big blue eyes of a little two and a half year old girl named Ava who is tugging your hand and trying to lead you somewhere.

Ava is very special to me. She was the first little baby I got to know when I moved to Edmonton two years ago. Jaycee, Ava's mom, and I were both participating in promoting the move to our new church -- now North Pointe -- and I offered to watch Ava while Jaycee was being filmed. Oh, that little Ava was a charmer. She was quite attentive at that time and her eyes saw everything I did -- in her eyes, you could see information was being processed. We sat in the hall, and Pastor Bob came down for a visit, too. Her eyes followed him everywhere from then on!

Anyway, I talked with Jaycee just a little and then we parted ways. That weekend, I went to the St. Albert Farmer's Market with my friend Patti. As we were strolling around looking at specialty foods, fragrant soaps, pottery, etc., I noticed a cute little rubber ducky and could not resist purchasing it for Ava. I gave it to Jaycee in church on Sunday. Shortly after that, Jaycee and I were at a Women's Ministry event and Jaycee told me that her little boy had received the gift of a rubber ducky when he was a baby, too. Lori Lorence had given him that gift, and though I never met her, Lori played a huge role in my becoming a Christian three years ago. When Jaycee told me about the rubber ducky, it seemed as if God was letting me know I was walking on His path still.

So, I have felt a bond with Ava since the day I met her. That the feeling has been mutual on Ava's part has not always been clear. In fact, in the last two years, I believe there were three days that Ava actuallly seemed to like me. Typically, when our paths meet and I call out a "Hi, Ava!", a big "No!" comes back along with an attempt to hide behind her mother. If I persist, the blunt "No!" turns into a wailed "Noooooooooo!" so I have learned not to persist. (Wait a minute, shouldn't the kids learn from the adults?)

But on those three days that Ava liked me, I felt like a Queen. Like I could write the book on "Winning Ways With Children." Like I had learned the combination to a highly coveted club or something. You know what I mean, right? I would live in that bubble until the following Sunday when I would hear "No!" again. Don't misunderstand me, I knew that Ava was not actually rejecting me with her "No!" and I never took it personally. But those days when there seemed to be acceptance were just very special!

I'm housesitting for Jaycee and Derek for the next couple of weeks, so I went over for dinner last night to get the "low down" on my temporary abode. I wondered how Ava would react to me in her own house. After knocking on the door, Jaycee letting me in, and the dog Griffin greeting me, I turned and said hello to Ava. She grinned her impish little grin and showed me a couple of her toys. After that, Jaycee began showing me around. Ava wanted to show me more toys, though, and came and tugged on me. "Tum Tatty Tum."

We continued our tour of the house, and then it was time for dinner. A wonderful spaghetti, meat sauce, garlic bread and delicious salad dinner was served. I recall Ava trying to fit fistfuls of cut up spaghetti in her mouth as fast as she could, and she ended up being the first to be done. She got out of her chair and Jaycee washed her hands. Ava came over to implore me with her big eyes and little voice again..."Tum Tatty Tum." I heard that several times as I finished my meal as quickly as I could so I could experience whatever little treat Ava had in store for me next. "Tum Tatty Tum."

She grabbed me by the hand and led me upstairs once again to her room. She wanted me to read her "Pooh Bear" calendar to her, so I did. She showed me her baby and her baby's brush, more toys, and books, too. Jaycee was hosting an Epicure Spice party, and people began arriving. I headed downstairs to join them, but halfway down the stairs, I heard a protesting little voice -- "Tum Tatty Tum."

I continued downstairs and joined the party. What a great time -- we tasted a variety of dips and spices and chocolate. Throughout the evening, Ava would look at me from across the room, or come stand by me, or even sit on my lap and sample chips and dips. She would look at me with those beseeching blue eyes -- "Tum Tatty Tum."

All in all, it was a great evening. Looking back on it now, I realize how truly fortunate I am to be a part of a group of people that includes families like Jaycee, Derek, Ava and Zach. And as I remember Ava's pretty blue eyes pleading with me, I once again hear God's voice in my ear . . . "Come, Kathy, Come."

Trust

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12

Oh Lord, I ask you hear my prayer to you tonight.
I thank you for your mercy and grace in my life.
I am quite certain that without it,
I would not be here today.
Your providence is evident in so many ways.

You have spoken to me about your love for me, Lord.
You will not leave me nor forsake me.
You will not abandon me when the going gets tough.

The going is getting tough, Lord.
The trust is gone - there is no one left but you.
Only you can restore this heart of mine.
I am bereft and without hope
Seeking you in the valley of the death of my dreams.

Every beat of my heart hurts worse than the last,
Each breath taken is an attempt to ease pain.

God, how can there be so many tears inside one person?
What eyes deserve to shed them in the presence of one who shed his life?
And yet, they flow freely still.

I seek to be strong like you in the face of adversity,
But as a ship struck in the night by a torpedo,
I sink to the bottom of the ocean,
Lifeless and lost in a sea of activity.

Lord, will you not step in?
Will you not require some measure of fairness for
and from your servants?

I cry out for you.

My Friend

Dear God --

Tonight I pray for my friend, Kim.
She is a young 31, slim, gorgeous Italian woman.
She would like to be married, have kids, etc., just like
most of would. But things have not yet worked out that way.

Lord, I'm not sure why this happens to some of us and not to others.
But tonight I pray for Kim and her situation.
First, I thank you, God, for Kim being a part of my life and a huge inspiration to me.
I thank you that in times when I've been down and out, Kim has been there to pull me
out of the doldrums.
I thank you for having Kim pray for me for a year to come to know you, and that
you listened and answered those prayers.
I pray, Lord, that you now hear the desires of her heart and answer them.
I pray that you let her know in a tangible, obvious way that you love her and
won't leave her to struggle with this alone.
I pray that when she does feel down and out, that you give her a boost through me
or someone else so that she knows she doesn't struggle alone.
I pray that Kim looks to you to answer this need in her life -- Lord, it is hard to go
through this life alone!!!
Lord, give Kim peace of mind that you are working on this as we pray and indeed
you have a plan to answer these prayers.
I look forward, Lord, to seeing how you are going to work this out in Kim's life.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.

So . . . . .

I had perhaps the worst week of my existence, in many ways, last week. I am not happy or proud of it either. But after falling in love, whether it is with a person, a church family, a culture, whatever, it is perhaps the most painful thing of all to say goodbye. And I don't think I have done a lot of real falling in love before now. Sad to say it, but I think it is true.

The mere idea of leaving my church family right now left me biting dust if you know what I mean. So, the concept of loss became tangible to me last Monday, I believe, and for 5 days I spent the majority of my time in a near catatonic state. It wasn't pretty. By Friday, I realized that church on Sunday was going to be too hard. I wrote some goodbye e-mails that gave me an out from Church. Saturday was not much better in terms of my attitude.

And then came Sunday. I woke up at about 4:10 am - it was getting light. It was a beautiful day. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I heard some ducks squabbling on the pond in the back, so I decided to do my bible reading on the deck. Down the stairs, put on the coffee, watered the plants, grabbed my cuppa joe, and went out on the deck.

Have you ever had times where the beauty of your surroundings gives you so much joy that it is hard to bear? This was such a moment. I marveled at God's creation again - ducks were squabbling on the pond, little red- and yellow-winged blackbirds were landing close by me on the feeder and would let out a sqwak because I was there and making them too nervous to eat, the water on the pond was twinkling, the sun was shining, there were fluffy white clouds in the mostly blue sky. To me it was as close to perfect as you could get.

"Thank you God for providing me a place where I could be sad mostly in private. Thank you for a beautiful temporary home and your perfect creation to enjoy this morning. Thank you for such a beautiful place to read your word today -- I pray you open my heart to hear what you would have me hear this morning."

Colossians 1&2

"May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father."

Thank you, Lord. That I am even alive today is by your grace alone. Thank you for the opportunity to
serve you today. Lord, please be with me today, please walk with me today. Thank you.

"For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness . . . "

Lord, I understand this concept, but I'm feeling some darkness here.

"Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that
come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from
Christ."

Lord, thank you for a good teacher who keeps it simple.

"So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths."

Ah, excellent, then it is okay if I don't go to church?

"You have plenty to do, Kathy, you should get busy."

Is that you, Lord?

"You have alot to do in the next week -- go get busy. Go down to your house and get started on that awful mess in your room."

Okay, Lord, so you are okay we me not going to church?

"Kathy, you have a big move coming up -- you better get started -- try starting with a shower, okay?"

So, seemingly absolved from the obligation to go to church, I came indoors and decided to do some checking out of people's blogs. I thought of some of the young adults in the church, and decided it had been a while since I had checked out Ryan Hastman's blog. So, I checked it out. After reading about Ryan's latest favorite "hottie" type of thing :) I read his next entry in which he explains Christianity quite succinctly. Here's the link, see for yourself:

http://ryanhastman.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-is-my-religion-religion.html

" it's about a relationship with a God who is a person, not an abstract force of nature; who knows my name personally and actually cares about my life; and who gives selfish-me a desire to love others because He loved them first."

God, I love my church family so much. But I feel such a failure -- I don't want to say goodbye. So, I don't have to go, right?

"That's it. Its not about not-swearing, not-drinking, not doing this and not doing that. That stuff is a natural by-product of the important things. And its FOR SURE not about judging people, anyone. We're all screwed up."

Wow! That matches up with my other reading.

Back out to sit on the deck and pray:
"God, I need your help. You know my circumstances, and I don't know what to do. I need to know what you would have me do with this circumstance. I will sit here until I hear from you."

"You need to leave it all to me. There is nothing more you can do. Remember: Love Me, love your neighbor."

God, I want to go to church. I guess I would prefer my last Sunday be filled with loving my family in person, and not hurting anyone else, than packing for a trip that might never happen and licking my wounds. Thank you, God, for clarifying and providing me direction through your Word and Ryan's, too.

David

Well, sometimes Pastor Bob is just ON and yesterday was one of those days. He spoke about David in terms of three words: dwarf, dwindle and dwell. If I remember correctly, the point(e) was that sometimes our problems can dwarf us (in the example yesterday, it was Goliath who was 9' tall and who's armour alone weighted 5,000 shekels), our spirits and enthusiasm can dwindle (it happened to Israelites when Goliath taunted them for 40 days), but we can do anything when the Spirit of the Lord dwells within us (although in David's case, the Spirit of the Lord was upon him, as opposed to now, when the Spirit of the Lord dwells within us).

Really, these giants that come along in our lives can be referred to as "just the next thing." There is spiritual warfare often going on (i.e., Satan would like us to be discouraged, and can throw rocks in our path to try and discourage us). Just the next thing. Just the next thing. The next thing. I need to remember this.

Anyway it was a great sermon. I started to think about this concept in terms of David's whole life. The Bible covers David's life so well. List of possible struggles or "next things" in David's life:

1. David is the youngest son, short -- perhaps giant #1.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height,
for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them.
People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7 (one of my absolute favorites)

2. David is anointed . . . but with no current kingdom to rule, since Saul is still King. Perhaps giant #2.
3. David gets a new job to play harp for his King, who has a tormented spirit. Gotta be hard.
4. David is appointed armor bearer for Saul, the King he is to replace.
5. David faces Goliath.
6. David is attacked again and again by Saul.
7. David has to leave town and goes to Gath, but then has to leave there to go to the cave of Adullam.
Now here is something I really, really like -- men who were in trouble,
in debt or discontent came to him there and so he had an army of 400.
8. Saul chases him down, and David ends up in the wilderness with his army of 600 now.
Has to go further and further because Saul keeps chasing him to kill him.

You know what? I was going to go through and list every "next thing", but I don't really need to. I wanted to see how many "next things" David had to deal with and there are plenty.

Off the top of my head:

Bathshebagate

The incident where his son rapes his daughter, Tamar.

His son taking over his kingdom and kicking him out of town.

Being denied the building of the Temple.

There were other things in there, but I am getting it in my head (hopefully) that David had a LOT of "next things". It seemed things were not always stable and smooth -- instead, there was always something significant that had to be dealt with. So, I wonder if there is a relationship between character-building and the number of "next things" you have to deal with? I hear alot of different views on this for sure.

On The Subject of Miracles

If you are a Christian that happens upon this little tidbit, please respond - don't just pass me by, please respond.

I would like to know your thoughts about why God does miracles, especially if they differ from my own. I believe that God does miracles to increase faith in those He has called, to make those who do not yet believe aware of His presence, to remind us of the glory and power of God.

But do you think God goes around doing miracles when they are not necessary? Doesn't the word "miracle" imply that ALL other avenues have been tried? Have I got that wrong? I've heard at least a few sermons that talk about God not doing for us what we can do ourselves -- in other words, don't sit around on the couch and think by some miracle you will find a Jaguar in your driveway when you could be workin' and savin' up for your wheels, you know what I'm sayin'? I believe that it is by the grace of God that we have doctors and dentists, and that God expects us to utilize what He has provided on this earth to stay healthy. If I had a tooth infection, I would not sit on my couch and pray for it to be healed without also making an appointment with the dentist -- God's provision is often given to us through the dentist.

I've recently been advised to pray for a miracle in terms of getting a job with my recent degree with honors from NAIT. Why would God come up with a miracle when this could have been achieved in a normal fashion? Jobs are obtained all the time by secular and Christian people alike without requiring miracles - how would it glorify God to reward incorrect behavior with a miracle? If the situation of being jobless is due to our own messups, is God likely to step in and "rescue" us with a miracle that never needed to be asked for? Does God like it when we make mountains out of molehills?

One example in particular comes to mind -- the example of David. God and David had a great relationship for sure. David made some very poor choices and God told him that because of his choices, and David's undermining the Lord's purposes, he would lose his baby.

His baby indeed became deathly ill. David repented. He prayed and pleaded and fasted and begged God to spare his child. He asked God for a miracle. But seven days later, the baby died. Seven days David lay prostrate, without food begging God for a miracle. Why did God let this go on for 7 days? Why did God let that baby suffer for 7 days? Would David have understood the gravity of the situation if God had zapped that baby immediately? Or did God want David to pray and commune with God for 7 days, with the same consequence, but a better understanding of the gravity of his sin? Did God consider granting David's request? Was there something he could have done or said or prayed that would have achieved a different result? Who suffered the bigger consequence of David's sin - David or the baby? If the baby could have talked, I think I know what his opinion would have been. Why did God punish the baby? These questions are all too great for me, but I do understand that David was not granted the miracle he asked for.

I'm still going to pray for this what is now a "miracle" and I hope you will pray for it, too.

On Golden Pond

“How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord Almighty.
I long, yes, I faint with longing
to enter the courts of the Lord.
With my whole being, body and soul,
I will shout joyfully to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home there,
and the swallow builds her nest
and raises her young—
at a place near your altar,
O Lord Almighty, my King and my God!
How happy are those who can live in your house,
always singing your praises.

“Happy are those who are strong in the Lord,
who set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs,
where pools of blessing collect after the rains!
They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

“O Lord God Almighty, hear my prayer.
Listen, O God of Israel.”

Psalm 84:1-8 (New Living Translation)

On Golden Pond

I am truly a bundle of different emotions right now. Having just spent two years here in Edmonton, getting a degree and being extremely involved in my church and part of a church family, the sadness at the prospect of leaving is close to unbearable. I don’t understand really what I keep doing wrong in certain areas of my life. There just doesn’t seem to be a place for me – I say that knowing it doesn’t make much sense. There is a place for everyone, right?

I currently have a beautiful place to contemplate God and His plans. Sitting in a beautiful kitchen/dining/living room area (all in one) in the new home of my friends Sherry & Brian Wine in Northeast Edmonton, while they travel to California, my laptop set up on their lovely kitchen table so I may gaze through the huge windows that line the back of the house. My gaze drifts to the pond a hundred yards or so away. The large pond is sporadically covered with a golden “muck” – some sort of growth that is affecting the ponds in the area this year. The evening sunlight accentuates the golden color.

Despite the golden muck, there are several families of ducks that make their abode in this pond. I watched one such family, led by about 8 baby ducks and trailing 2 adult ducks making their way, single file, to the center of the pond. It is somehow soothing to see families of ducks on the pond, as if their being there, doing their normal things makes everything alright. I imagine what it would be like if there was no wildlife, no other species, to fill our landscape – barren and boring are the words that immediately come to mind.

Beyond the pond, there is a field of bright yellow canola and beyond that forest. The skies here are large, very large, and the sunset is creating beautiful colors on the horizon above the pond. It is hard to believe that I am in the prairies now. Prairie life is not the easiest overall. It is very dry here, the winters are cold, the terrain is very, very flat, and the vegetation is quite sparse when compared to the eastern seaboard of North America, which is more familiar to me.

And yet, as I gazed upon the golden pond, watching the ducks and listening to birds chattering in the area, I marveled yet again that God would create an oasis like this in the midst of a dry, flat and sparsely vegetated area. It is as if He gives us a place to get a glimpse of heaven, even if brief, so that we don’t give up hope.

In my own life, I certainly feel as if I am in the midst of a dry, flat and sparsely vegetated land. But today, I thank God for my time “On Golden Pond” – a place where I could get a glimpse of the heaven that awaits me. There is a place for me . . . and for you. Just like the sparrows and sparlings . . . and ducks . . . we have a place in God's house, On Golden Pond.

2 Kings 1-5

Well, I hate to admit this, but it took a while for me to get through 2 Kings 1 today. It always cracks me up. I mean, really, what was King Ahaziah doing up among the latticework in his palace. I'm sure I am just not educated as to what latticework really is, but I get this picture of a king on the upper floor trying to balance on some kind of woven flooring, completely missing the mark and falling through -- perhaps he was pudgy, I don't know. The idea of a king falling through latticework is just amusing like a cartoon.

So, he sends messengers to the completely wrong god to ask if he will live. But they get intercepted by a man who informs them of the error of their king's ways who sends them back with a message to the king. The king asks the messengers to describe the man, and they simply say "He was a hairy man, and he wore a leather belt around his waist." From that alone, the king knew it was Elijah. I can only imagine that it must have been possible to comb Elijah's back hair or something . . . like other men weren't hairy??? If you said to me, "a hairy guy came in and asked for you", there would be a few that would come to mind! (Not that a hairy guy would come in and ask for me, mind you, but I think you get my point.) :)

Then, imagine the 2 teams of 50 men who were just zapped out of existence. Oh my goodness, the Old Testament is just filled with incidental deaths -- at least they seem incidental. These teams -- had they done something awfully wrong that required their execution? It seems God used them to send another type of message back to the king. Were they in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or would serving a bad king warrant bad things from God? We face these things all the time as we are not always lead by good leaders, but are instructed to pray for them and support them. The incidental feeling is just a horrible one, eh?

Anyway, it always takes me a while to get through that chapter.