Close to the Sun

It was a beautiful, but quite cold day. It was about -24F when I went to start my car, according to one of my online weather sources. That is simply cold.

I was tempted not to go out today at all. But I had made arrangements with a young lady, Michelle, who has graciously married my friend Adam, to get together and run some errands and have lunch. So, I dressed warmly: flannel pajama bottoms under my jeans, then a turtleneck shirt, a turtleneck sweater over that, two pairs of socks, a jacket, scarf, gloves and light boots. Once I managed to get all of that on, I went out and started the car. It took 3 tries, but I finally got it started. I let it warm up for 15 minutes, and then began my journey from St. Albert into Edmonton at about 10:45 a.m.

I decided I needed a Timmy's coffee with double cream, so I stopped at the one on Hebert Road in St. Albert. But there were probably 10 cars in the drive-through lineup and seemingly dozens of people in line inside. I returned to my car without a coffee and proceeded down "the Trail". Two or three miles south of Hebert, there is another Timmy's, and no lineup, so I got my coffee after all and continued on my trip to pick up Michelle.

About half an hour later, Michelle and I made our way to "Best Buds" flower shop in Oliver Square at 116 Street and 104 Avenue. My friend Kim owns the store, and some of my other friends (Lillian and Laura were there today) help her out. Kim was supposed to get 4,000 roses today and she had quite a bit of help in to de-thorn the roses and make bouquets. My idea was that Michelle and I could learn a few tricks for an hour or two. But Kim had lots of help and so we chatted for a few minutes, then left to go to lunch at Red Robins. A Whiskey Burger and a few fries warmed us up for the rest of our travels.

Michelle is a very interesting young lady as she is Australian and the first Australian I've known. So, as we lunched, then shopped at Walmart and Superstore, we compared notes about what it is like to move away from your native country, as well as all the different products and groceries we miss! At about 4:30, I dropped her off at Totem, where her hubby works, and made my way home.

It was a beautiful evening with lovely pastel wintry sky. It was slightly darkening as I drove home, but still in the sky was the beautiful pale yellow sun. And against one edge of the sun there was a cloud that looked almost like another sun as it reflected the same intense yellow light as the sun, and across the sky, the cloud trailed a long line of "cloud" that twisted and turned for some distance. As my eyes followed the trail, it struck me that the further away from the sun, the paler the color of the cloud. So, the long trail of cloud seemed bright yellow just like the sun where it was close, but at the tail end was practically white.

I guess the closer we are to the Son, the more we appear to be like Him.

Wrong Way?

It was just a couple of weeks ago when it happened for the first time.

I'd been riding the St. Albert commuter buses to my place of employment in Edmonton - NorQuest College - since June of last year. So, at that point, it had been about 8 months of commuter busing. And the route never really varied. The route numbers did, but not the route. So, every morning, I walk 1.5 blocks from my apartment to the bus stop, hop on a bus that takes me to St. Albert Centre. I transfer to another bus that takes me all the way to within one block of NorQuest. On the way home, it is simply the reverse of that.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, I did my transfer at St. Albert Centre on the way home, but as the bus pulled out of the station, it went a completely different route. It had been a long and tiring day, and to think I had hopped on the wrong bus really brought me down. I mentioned to a lady sitting near me that I must have gotten on the wrong bus. She said, "No, this is the way they are supposed to go." I was totally confused and did not get it at all. I questioned her, and finally she said, "You're on the right bus. The bus is supposed to go exit the station this way -- even though they never do!"

Wow. You can go the wrong way without even knowing it for a very long time. Lucky for me, there was someone to explain it to me.

It reminds me of the 40 or so years of my life spent walking down the wrong road -- resisting God and denying Jesus as my Savior. Lucky for me, there was someone to explain that to me as well.

Thank you!

Bitterly Cold on Sunday

Bitterly cold on Sunday.

I was bitter all the way to church about "having" to go to church in this nightmarish weather. I mentally told off a few people who did not appear to have gone through the same driver's training I did in terms of how to drive on ice as I traveled. Driving in this stuff really pretty much brings me to tears. And I was bitter when I got there as I watched wives getting dropped off at the door by their husbands. "Figures!" is what I say to myself in these situations and what I said to myself today. So I was in a fine snit as I walked through the door and one of my friends, Evy (76 years old) greeted me. She said, "So, are you having a good day??" I half thought she was being funny-cheery at the undoubtedly sour expression on my face. So, to be funny-crabby back, I barely grunted her a reply, something like "uh huh....", as I made a beeline for the coffee bar. Luckily, Chuck was there - he makes the best Chai Lattes of anyone in the church currently, so I ordered one, and it was perhaps the best one I have ever had.

Worship began, and frankly, it was one of the best worship services I have experienced in a while. Honestly, the songs were melodic, the range was perfect, and it was a bane to my soul today. I was immediately grateful for that. In retrospect, I wonder how much like Saul I might be given the amount of comfort I received from the worship offering today. I'm sure Cindy will be grateful to be thought of like David instead!!! :)

The service that followed spoke to us of our not really being able to fully understand God. I'm paraphrasing here, but that we can understand some, but not all of God and not all of what he is about. It was excellent. And we had a testimony from one of my recently made friends who is about 55 years old and has never been sick. He was just diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in the liver and bowel and been given 9 months to 2 years to live. He is in my bible study, and I would not have missed this for the world. It was hard for him to do it, but gratifying to hear his heart on the platform.

Then I hung out with the young adult girls -- say 21 - 31 year olds. Had a great conversation, and they invited me to lunch. Women like these young ladies are so inspiring to me. I wish I had been half as lovely, inside and out, at their respective ages. I am very appreciative of even getting to spend a little time with them.

So, I went to lunch, had a fabulous time, then came home. But there was still bible study to go to. So, I began to get bitter again about going out. Do you think that by this stage of my life and with evidence received just earlier today, that I could have predicted the outcome enough to be cheery????? Well, I still have things to work on!!!

Ask Her What She Thinks

Sometimes encouragement from the bible comes in unexpected ways, and this time it was very unexpected in Genesis 24. My church, North Pointe, is reading the bible through in a year chronologically. So we read a few chapters in Genesis, we read Job, and now we are back in Genesis, reading things through as they occurred long, long ago.

Well, as you may know, the church doesn't always have a good reputation in its treatment of women. This is historically as well as currently true. I won't comment here about the rightness or wrongness of how the church has perceived, portrayed and treated women. But I will talk a little bit about how women have been perceived, portrayed and treated by the church in my very, very limited experience - most of that experience is as a non-Christian.

My own belief, and the belief of those non-Christians who influenced me, was that the church is not kind nor fair towards women. My first memories of actually experiencing/seeing this were of an uncle of mine. He accepted Jesus Christ as his Saviour when he was a young adult and was run over by his own tractor. That was before I was born and he and my aunt (devoutly Catholic from a very young age) became Christians and joined the Baptist church.

As a child, I was fascinated by uncle's ability to speak very fast Pig Latin. But I felt uncomfortable with how he spoke to my aunt. It seemed to me he thought of her as a possession and would sometimes refer to her as if her desires, her needs, her feelings were of little or no consequence. Sometimes the things he said and the jokes he made did not seem funny to me at all. My aunt's sisters and brothers never had much regard for my uncle and often spoke of his being "a very difficult man".

Nevertheless, my aunt and uncles had three beautiful children of their own and adopted a beautiful child they had fostered for years. As my uncle got older, he seemed to mellow quite a bit and in hindsight perhaps much of his manner towards women was more common in that generation. Regardless, though, I think he might be mortified to think that these things I heard and observed caused me to form a very negative view of the church, the Bible, and people who referred to themselves as Christians.

This world view of the church that I developed as a child was further reinforced when I went to his daughter's wedding in my early 20's. The ceremony was downright offensive to women in my view. I don't remember details, I simply remember that the "submitting" seemed to be very one-sided.

When I became a Christian, I went to church and had the most amazing experience of overhearing a young man thanking an older man for something, and just thinking about their conversation now brings tears to my eyes. I had not realized that men could be so loving in their conversation or in their hearts. I was incredibly moved and am still whenever I meet a man who is not wussy, but instead manly yet meek. Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, I began reading the bible, and I prepared myself to become like my aunt. I knew I was a Christian, and they were the only Christian examples I knew of in my life, so I thought this would have to be. And indeed, the Old Testament is filled with horrific stories of how women were treated and rules that came from God that just did not seem at all fair or with favour towards women. Honestly, coming to grips with some of the stuff I read was pretty tough.

The New Testament did not seemed at best to marginally improve things much at first reading. Popping out at me were Paul's instructions to the new church about women remaining silent and not holding any position such as elder or deacon, and certainly not a teacher of men (forgive me and correct me if my paraphrasing here is incorrect). Women still seemed to be held in low regard all the way around. And frankly, you may find that many Christian churches follow many of these instructions to this day.

So, I was born again, but born into "the church" that did not yet seem female friendly to me. Certainly my world view of the church at the time played into that.

It is now 4.5 years later, and my church is reading through the Bible in a year chronologically. Each time I start at the beginning of the Old Testament, I mentally sigh at the thought of reading yet again of many ways in which women were not treated well.

But this time, I got a little treat in Genesis 24. The setting is this. Abraham sent one of his servant's to find a wife for his son Isaac. The Lord, through the servant, selects Rebekah by a series of conditions she meets by giving water to the servant and water to his camels at a well near Abraham's brother's home. The servant is invited into Rebekah's parents' home, and he tells the family of his mission to find a wife for Isaac, and how clear it was that the Lord had chosen Rebekah. The family acknowledged that the Lord had sent him and so gave Rebekah to Isaac. The next morning, however, the servant wanted to take off right away to get Isaac's bride back to him. But when he requested to be sent back, Rebekah's family protested, and the following conversation occurred:

"Then they had supper, and the servant and the men with him stayed there overnight. But early the next morning, he said, 'Send me back to my master.' 'But we want Rebekah to stay at least ten days,' her brother and mother said. 'Then she can go.' But he said, 'Don't hinder my return. The Lord has made my mission successful, and I want to report back to my master.' 'Well,' they said, 'we'll call Rebekah and ask her what she thinks.' So they called Rebekah. 'Are you willing to go with this man?' they asked her.
Genesis 24:54-57

Well, I have to tell you that I find it very encouraging to have finally "seen" this passage. In this day and age there are still many who don't care to ask what women think. I am not sure, however, that God endorses that. I look forward to a year of discovery in the Bible once again.

Ask Her What She Thinks

Sometimes encouragement from the bible comes in unexpected ways, and this time it was very unexpected in Genesis 24. My church, North Pointe, is reading the bible through in a year chronologically. So we read a few chapters in Genesis, we read Job, and now we are back in Genesis, reading things through as they occurred long, long ago.

Well, as you may know, the church doesn't always have a good reputation in its treatment of women. This is historically as well as currently true. I won't comment here about the rightness or wrongness of how the church has perceived, portrayed and treated women. But I will talk a little bit about how women have been perceived, portrayed and treated by the church in my very, very limited experience.

But since it is late, I'll have to do this tomorrow.

Authority

I think I have a problem with authority. Oh, I don't have a problem with authority when the authority agrees with my way of thinking, but I have a big problem when I disagree with their way of thinking. And I think that simply boils down to a problem with authority.

When people in positions of authority or power or control or influence - whatever you want to call it - do things that are not right (i.e., misrepresenting the truth, white lies to achieve an outcome, chauvinism, etc.), every fiber of my being begins to resist that authority. Problem is, we are all flawed (me, you, and whoever is the authority), and so alot of those with authority do wrong things either from time to time or habitually. Time to time is one thing, but if it is habitual, well, let's just say for me to even be around that person feels like hearing nails on a chalk board.

So, I find reading Genesis 16 very interesting. Abram's wife, Sarai, has her servant sleep with Abram to bear him a child that Sarai was sure she never would. Once the servant, Hagar, became pregnant, she treated Sarai with contempt and Sarai's response to that was to treat Hagar harshly. So, Hagar ran away.

Looking at the circumstances here, I'm thinking it is better for Hagar to be gone from the situation, and better in general for these women to be apart. But the Lord often does things differently than I would expect. He told Hagar to go back and submit to Sarai's authority.

Interesting, eh? I bet He tells me that, too, when I am bucking authority. Hmmm......

Prosperity

So, I have some questions about this topic. Today we finished reading Job. At the end of the book of Job, ..."The Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning....." In context, God allowed Satan to test Job for a bit. And Satan certainly did a pretty good job -- took Job's possessions, family, health, and frankly, even his closest friends. Job withstood the test fairly well, and humbled himself when he realized he had not tested so well. And so, the Lord blessed Job even more -- more possessions, more family, better health, etc.

And so I wonder how many of us expect this outcome? And when I say this outcome, please note that I mean the outcome of further blessings in this lifetime, on this earth. And I also wonder if we should expect it? And from that, I wonder what assumptions we would make if we expected these results and did not get blessed like Job got blessed. Would we be able to withstand an entire lifetime without thinking we'd messed up somehow -- like Job's friends assumed?? Frankly, I suspect that in general, we would not be able to do that.

Oh, it is easy to think that we might be able to do it. But really, sit and imagine for a while that you lost your home. So, instead of sitting at home and imagining this, why not go outside, sit on a curb, and imagine what it would be like to think you have nowhere to go. While you are out there, imagine that you have welts all over your body -- the very sight of you disturbs everyone you meet. You've lost your job, let's say for some unforeseen reason, but your former co-workers see you in the street with these new welts all over your body. Your wife leaves you, your children die, and your friends come to try and help you figure out what you did wrong. No job, no money, no family, no car, no home, no nothing. Just "friends" trying to help you figure it all out.

There is quite a bit of teaching going around that suggests if we do all the right things, we will prosper in the same way Job prospered once his test was over.

Hmmm....I don't THINK so. There is enough evidence in the Bible to suggest otherwise.

But, when I read Job 42, I understand how easy it is to believe this. And so, I will be pondering this for a while to glean what God would have me understand from the book of Job.

A Year Of Loving God

That is my church's theme for 2008 -- A Year Of Loving God. Ever since I heard it, the phrase has been rolling around in my head. I've thought, ruminated, prayed, spoken, dwelled on it. What will this look like for me?

I've already failed in a way, I guess. We had a prayer meeting at the church this past Sunday. The intent was for our pastoral staff to pray with and bless families - it was called "Blessing Night". Frankly, I'm just sick at heart of going to family events as one. Downright exhausted from the effort of going to these things. Seriously, despite the fact that I have a wealth of friends that would have been there, I just simply could not even bear the idea of walking in there alone. And I'm tired of pretending almost to be a member of someone else's family - or at least that is what it seems like at times.

This is clearly not the way to being a year of loving God. It is His family I profess to belong to and surely that should be enough. Most times it is. Sometimes, though, like last night, it's not.

Lately, I've heard how important it is to finish well. I hope to finish this year much better than I started it.

When I Dwell On You

When I dwell on you, Oh Lord,
I know you are here with me,
Though it doesn't always seem to be,
I know it's true
When I dwell on you.

When I seek you with my heart,
I know you will answer me,
Though it doesn't always seem to be,
I know it's true
When I seek you.

When I give my life to you,
I know you will care for me,
Though it doesn't always seem to be,
I know it's true,
When I give it all to you.

When you come for me, Jesus,
I will gladly go with you,
Though it doesn't always seem to be,
I know it's true,
I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.


By Kathy Brown
Just words that came into my head today.

Blythe

I held a baby today - her name is Blythe and she is only 10 days old. She weighed in over 9 pounds at her birth, so most of us ladies applaud her mother when we see her! At least, we applaud her in our minds!

Blythe stretched alot while I held her, and I can only imagine that is a reflex from being curled up inside her mother's womb. You know how good it feels to stretch after sitting or sleeping in one position for just hours -- imagine months at a time! She is obviously very strong. I could feel that when she stretched.

There is something very comforting and soothing about holding a baby in your arms -- especially, I think, when they sleep on you. I could sit for hours with a baby sleeping on me, head resting just below my chin.

As I held Blythe today, I pondered the reasons for my lack of children and certainly had at least a vague notion that there must be some mistake, and I wondered again "why?"

I'm sure that question will eventually be answered. In the meantime, tonight I pray for Blythe. I pray that she love the home she grows up in, that she knows she is loved just for being her, that she is surrounded by family and people that realize what a gift she really is. I pray that whatever her dreams are, she feels confident and supported to achieve them all, and that she is a little light that shines in the people's lives that she touches. I know that she was a light in my life today!

I just don't understand

So much love around me
And yet still
A critical heart.

So much love shown me
And yet still
A judgmental heart.

So much love given me
And yet still
A suspicious heart.

I just don't understand.

My Walk Home

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content."
1 Timothy 6: 6-8 New Living Translation

One of my Facebook friends recently asked me where I would go on a mental vacation. She would go to London and shop with her 3 best friends. And for sure that sounds very appealing to me as well. But I captured my immediate thought as the question was asked, and found out something about myself that was quite heartening to me.

You see, Tuesday was a beautiful day in the Edmonton area. It was probably 65 degrees outside and there was a slight breeze. It was the first day of the new transit schedule that results in me not even having to transfer between buses on my commute from my new home in St. Albert and my office in downtown Edmonton. So, I sat in one of the raised seats on the double bus I was on and a few windows were open -- the soft breeze felt simply delicious on my skin. I know there was a glow of happiness about me right then.

I exited the bus a block from my apartment building and began walking down the road that leads to my home. A super-awareness came over me as I noticed the lush green trees and bushes that lined the street. A few of the trees on my right as I walked had beautiful orangish red berries in them that I could see gently swaying. There was a pretty rustic wood fence that appeared as well. The skies were blue with faint wisps of white appearing every now and again. There was the sound of birds and perhaps a dog barking in the distance, or perhaps it was a bit of laughter floating on the wind from the nearby high school.

As I walked down that little stretch of just one block, it seemed to me as if time suddenly stood still. Right then, it seemed like the longest, most enjoyable walk of my life. I slowed my pace to a languid stroll, and as I enjoyed my walk, absorbing the sights and sounds and smells, and as I yet thought of all going on in my life, I thought, "there is no place I would rather be than right here."

Thank you, God, for providing me a fairy-tale walk to my new home in a very real world!

Science

You know, if I wasn't a Christian with a scientific mind, I would guess this was a four-letter word in the Christian community.

science (sī'əns) Pronunciation Key The investigation of natural phenomena through observation, theoretical explanation, and experimentation, or the knowledge produced by such investigation. ◇ Science makes use of the scientific method, which includes the careful observation of natural phenomena, the formulation of a hypothesis, the conducting of one or more experiments to test the hypothesis, and the drawing of a conclusion that confirms or modifies the hypothesis. See Note at hypothesis.
The American Heritage® Science Dictionary
Copyright © 2002 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

I am going on the record here to say that science and faith are not at odds with one another. I'll also go on record here to say I'll never be able to convince you of that. Ever. If you are scientifically oriented atheist, you will not believe me until you have your own meeting with God.

I've been thinking about this alot lately. Books have been published and reached the best-seller's list that supposedly present the best (i.e., most researched perhaps, or most convincing maybe) atheistic arguments against the existence of God. I purchased the most recently famous of these books - "god is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens. I wanted to read it because someone in my office was touting it and a pastoral friend of mine referenced it as well.

It was with great anticipation that I settled down one evening, book in hand, warm lamplight on, snuggled in a blanket, and began to read. I was sure I was going to unlock the secret of the atheistic mind with the reading of this book. I was even a bit anxious about reading what was considered such a strong book -- "how strong is my faith?" I wondered. I need not have been too concerned. Not because Mr. Hitchens is a poor writer (he's not), or because his arguments are weak (they aren't); but, simply because he and I think alot alike. In fact, he writes and communicates quite succinctly what I myself believed until recently.

After alot of thought, I can only suggest that the following is the difference between a scientifically oriented atheist and me in terms of believing in God:

A scientific atheist makes science his/her God. That is, the existence
of God has not been scientifically proven to him/her, so science wins
the argument. Science trumps God.

This scientific Christian (can't speak for all) attributes science to God.
That is, that God has given us curious minds that look for patterns,
formulae, cause & effect, etc., that reveal God's creation to us. So,
God and science do not conflict.

Science allows us to build good bridges. We develop engineering standards based on scientific study. Science allows us to observe when a medication helps a medical condition. We develope medicines based on scientific study and experimentation. Science in and of itself is not bad or good, it simply is. Science deals with predicability in my view. If something happens one way 2000 time is a row, it is like to happen that same way the 2001st time, right? That is science.

Science has some flaws, though. Engineering standards get revised because of anomalies or unexpected failures. I know a few people, one who I talked to today, who's medical condition so far is unexplained by science. He received a blood plate count of "3" recently (normal is 140 or so), but appears to be healthy in every way other than this count. They have retested and confirmed tests were not mixed up or anything. The doctor keeps taking his blood pressure and it is normal every time. The doctor says, "this doesn't make sense". So far, science has not explained this -- it is a new phenomena so to speak.

I'm not "dissing" science here -- I'm just pointing out that it is not something you can take to the bank. You can make predictions based on science, but if it was foolproof, we'd never have bridge failures and medicines would always work as predicted, etc.

Two days before becoming a believer in Jesus Christ, I told a friend that believing in God for me "would be like believing that the sky would be pink behind that cloud up in the sky when all around the cloud the sky is blue." It wouldn't make sense to believe that, right?

Then I met God.

And I've learned that the argument about the color of the sky behind the cloud is totally irrelevant to the issue.

I have a dream......

"I believe in angels,
Something good in everything I see,
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me......"

Yes! I went to see "Mamma Mia" last night. My favorite song is "I have a dream." Very poignant.

I do believe in angels. And I do believe there is something good in everything I see. It has been made clear to me over and over and over again that God works in all situations. Even the situations that make me think "Where is He?"

There are so many angels around me -- I hope I will be an angel to someone.

Who Am I?

Poem: "My Family"
By: Kathy Brown (probably in the mid-1970's: hopefully, I wasn't any older).

I received this poem in the mail today from my cousin Dawn. Apparently, I wrote it many years ago, as a young teen. She found it amongst paperwork in the "Mack" household. I find this quite repulsive as to me it shows a critical and judgmental spirit in me at quite an early age. I wholeheartedly apologize to my family members for any rotten thing I've thought or said over the years. Good grief. Sometimes I wonder, "Who Am I?"

Daddy knows how to argue
So that you will never win
Mom knows how to make coffee
That's as black and strong as sin.

Dale knows how to throw a punch
Just like Missy Mack
Judy is cold and distant
But she gets it all right back.

Karen seems small and delicate
Till you hear her when she's mad
Jacquelines just the oposite
But is really just as bad.

This is my whole family
And it's all you want to hear
Cause if I told you about myself
It would take nearly all the year.

Nathan

I wasn't really surprised to see him on the street. He always seemed very comfortable among "street people". And street people always seemed comfortable around him.

But actually, it wasn't by sight that I first recognized him today. I left work a little early to go to a new hairdresser to get my hair done - coloured high-lighted and cut, thank you very much. It has been too long since the last "do" and the frumpy look had to go. So, I made my way to the Epcor Building downtown and had a little visit with Dino -- my new best friend today! I was there for about 3 hours, which was well worth it! My hair looks fabulous!

I left with two muffins in hand and my wallet very much intact (great prices there), and made my way to the City Centre bus stop. Just as I was about to cross 102 Avenue to get to the stop, the light turned against me, and as luck would have it today, my St. Albert bus chose then to make its stop for passengers. With hope in my eyes, I ran across the street anyways (against the light), but to no avail. And so began the wait for the next bus -- I figured it would be about a half an hour IF I hadn't just missed the last bus.

There were alot of lame, hungry, drunk, drugged, smoking, yelling, cursing and begging street people at this stop today. I wondered if I would get to hang on to my muffins. I gave one away early on in my wait to a woman who asked me for change. As I listened to the chatter around me, I heard a familiar voice but couldnt quite place it. Looking around there were no familiar faces. A few seconds later, I heard it again.

That familiar voice was coming from a young man with a shaved head. His face was clean-shaven and he wore a nice suit. He carried a grey with orange trim knapsack and wore headphones connected to a CD player that was also gray and orange. It looked new. He wore sneakers as do many downtown workers around North America. All in all, a very attractive young man.

But wait, the last time I saw him, he had a head full of moppy dark red curls, held aloft from his head by a blue bandana. He sported a beard and wore very casual clothes -- jeans and t-shirts. He worked as a custodian at my church. Nathan.

I marveled as he either did not see me or he did not recognize me -- not sure which. I watched as he made a move to board the #9 bus to Northgate. At the last minute, he changed his mind, came and sat on the bench near me and made a call to someone to come meet him at Tim Horton's. He retied his shoes and started down 101 Street towards 104 Avenue. I watched and listened as he stopped a few feet away from me and spoke to a young black man that he obviously had not met previously.

As I listened, I thought "Ah yes, I know THIS Nathan." And as I listened, he told the young man about Jesus Christ. He spent ten minutes or so with the young man and invited him to a camp (Shiloh Camp or something like that). He gave the young man a business size card. And then I watched as he continued on his way. A block further, I saw him stop and do the same thing again.

Nathan. Good to see you!

Cesaria Evora

I went to a concert about a week ago. The artist was Cesaria Evora, from Cape Verde, Africa. The language there is Portuguese and that is indeed the language in which she sang. What a phenomenal voice!

Her opening act was a band called Tcheka. Frankly, I can hardly wait to get a CD of theirs or see them in concert. Incredible. The rhythms that come of out this band from Cape Verde were fantastic, and not often heard here.

What a night.

Hens

Well, it has certainly been a long time since I've posted, and alot has happened in the meantime. If you read my blog, you know that my mom passed away on April 13. I miss her tremendously and at sometimes very unusual times. Like yesterday when I was boiling eggs. Whenever I boil eggs, I think of mom. She was very particular about eggs being boiled or poached until the yolks were very hard. That is just something that has stuck with me, so I always think of her when I boil eggs.

I've moved into my own apartment in St. Albert, Alberta, and I am loving it. It is nice and quiet and I have complete roam of my home. I've lived alone most of my adult life, but have lived in a house full of people for the last 3 years. So, it is a relief again to have some space and privacy.

But, it gets lonely, too, and it is at those times that I want to call my mom. She had a natural gift for encouragement, and always mixed it with pragmatism as well. I find that I miss having that connection with someone who understands the past and present of me and so can offer good advice, knowing what I am really all about. I believe that I provided that same thing for mom once in a while, too.

I've been taking the bus from St. Albert to downtown Edmonton, where I work, and have been getting to know some of the ladies on the bus. I always choose to sit in the middle of the double bus, in the raised seats that face the aisle, and it turns out there are a regular group of women who sit in the same place. Today, there were 7 of us in the one spot, and as they were talking and joking with one another, I thought of how easily my mom would have fit into that group of hens. Even though she tended to be a bit on the quieter side, she always got along well in groups and would laugh and joke along with all.

I have a family here in Alberta, though, and a wonderful family they are, too. A couple of days after I moved into this new place, about 18 ladies from my church, North Pointe Community Church, surprised me with a grocery shower. I have never had anything like that and was totally surprised to be the "showeree" now as well! As they came into my apartment, they all sat down on the floor of the living room, and mini conferences started taking place. That is, every three or four people were having a conversation separate from the rest, so there were about 6 conversations going on. Rod, a husband of one of my friends who was there, commented later that it sounded like a bunch of hens. I just stood there for a couple of minutes and marveled at how easily these ladies socialized with one another and I LOVED the sound of their chatter all around.

There is something special that happens when a group of women gets together. Once my mom and sisters visited me in Arlington, Virginia, for a girl's weekend. What a hoot! I'll miss our little hen parties. But, I now have a group of hen friends that I look forward to having a hoot with now!

Thank you, God, for such a great family of hens who have spoiled me rotten with their generosity of spirit and resources as well. Thank you for an awesome church family who have welcomed me with open arms into their church and their community. I pray that I do the same for others moving forward.

Lavender Mornings and Periwinkle Nights

“So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes.  Doesn’t life consist of more than food and clothing?”
Matthew 6:25 (New Living Translation)
 
Lavender Mornings and Periwinkle Nights
 
I hate the snow.  I really hate the snow.  Let me qualify that a little.  I hate driving in the snow.  When I get up on a workday and look out the window and there is snow for me to contend with, tears come to my eyes as I anticipate the stress of getting to work that day.  Stress caused by the multitude of drivers on the roads that don’t appear to recognize that snow creates a condition requiring a slower and more cautious pace of travel.  Stress caused by knowledge that I am going to be honked at for quite some miles as I make my way to work.  Stress caused by the feeling that it just doesn’t seem right to risk my life to get to work, but that is the reality and the way of life today.  Everything may be sacrificed for work.  Work is top priority in this 24/7 world. 

I was lucky this past Thursday.  It had snowed enough Wednesday that school was closed the following day.  Since it had taken me an hour and a half to get home from my job at the school district the night before (and generally, it would take 25 – 30 minutes), I breathed a great sigh of relief when the call came that school was cancelled on Thursday.  Then I proceeded to catch up on e-mails, read, clean and make some calls.  I met a friend for lunch, and as I drove out of my complex, realized 8 Mile Road was still not cleared.  It was treacherous, in fact, and I was thankful again that I did not have to face it in all the traffic earlier that morning.  All in all, Thursday was a great day – a snow day.

To make up for missing work Thursday, my department had to work Saturday.  Saturday morning, I got up early, showered, dressed for work, packed a lunch, and with some trepidation, exited my apartment.  It was a lavender morning. You know, where you walk outside in the twilight just before dawn and with the snow and the cloud cover and perhaps just a hint of light from an early sunrise behind the clouds, everything was twinkling and lavender.  Flashbacks to childhood moments when we lived in a small town in rural Vermont came into my head.  A moment when I was alone in the backyard building a snowman; alone until my mom came out to help with a big smile on her face.  A moment when I had walked home from school between huge walls of snow and the tears rolled down my face because I was so cold.   And when I reached our house, I knocked on the door.  Mom opened it and I cried “I think I have frostbite!”  I remember she laughed and pulled me in and fed me some warm soup or hot cocoa to get me warmed up.  But I remember most being warmed by the warmth in her eyes and in her laugh.  Those were lavender moments.

It snowed all day Saturday while we were at work and I felt some stress build up through the day – what would the drive home be like?  Another hour and a half obstacle course filled with loud horns and obscene gestures? 
 
I left just as the sun was setting.  The roads were not bad at all and there was very little traffic out there that evening.  As I got closer to home, the scenery changed from industrial to suburban, the sun disappeared, and nighttime descended.  It was a periwinkle night.  You know, the kind of night where it seems almost as light as day because the moon illuminates the clouds and the snow with its ethereal bluish light.  Another flashback to Vermont.  Mom asking me if I would like to do something very special one night – go ice-skating on a pond with a few other girls and their mothers.  And I remember being so very excited as we left, bundled up in snowsuits, hats, mittens and scarves.  In my young mind, I was sure it was midnight at least, but it was very light out.  And here I was getting to ice-skate at midnight with “the girls”.  That was a periwinkle moment.
 
Lord, thank you for the job that provides food and clothing for me.  Thank you, even more, Lord, for a mom that provided lavender mornings and periwinkle nights to those around her throughout her entire lifetime.  Thank you for her beautiful smile, her lilting laugh, her unfailing grace that allowed her to be joyful in all circumstances. I marvel at the beauty you create in this world, which my mom captured both in her spirit and in her artwork.  Beauty that inspires treasured moments like these with my mom that I can call to mind when I begin to feel stressed during everyday life today. 

By Kathy Brown in loving memory of:

Ann Marie Brown
1937 – 2007

Favoured Grace

Time passed far too quickly for me.

I want to see mom's face again,
The laugh wrinkles in the corners of her eyes,
The impish Irish grin that showed the little gap between her two front teeth,
The beautiful freckles I was so envious of.

I want to hear mom's voice again,
The soprano voice that sung around the house when I was little,
The laugh that got us all laughing with its contagiousness,
The voice calling out "Bingo!" even as recently as Christmastime.

I want to smell mom's flowery perfume again,
The cinnamon she used to boil on the stove,
The turpentine she used to clean her paint brushes,
The candles she would burn in the kitchen.

I want to taste mom's salmon patties one more time,
And her extra hard-boiled poached eggs on toast,
And her oatmeal with raisins, pecans & brown sugar,
As well as her lowfat Dr. MacDuggal's spaghetti sauce with turkey sausage.

I want to kiss mom's forehead once again,
And hold her hand in an attempt to comfort her,
And touch the sparse hair that was once plentiful on her head,
And smooth the wrinkles from her brows that had not yet turned completely grey.

I am grateful that I will be seeing mom again in heaven,
Because of her faith and my faith in God,
Who sent His Son to die for our sins,
And my fervent prayer is that you will be seeing mom again, too.