Well, this past weekend, my church - North Pointe Community Church of Edmonton, Alberta - had its dedication ceremonies. First, on Saturday night, there was a banquet and a concert. As far as the banquet goes, can you spell "s c r u m p t i o u s"? (By the way, right now I am hoping that is indeed the right spelling!) There was moist and tender turkey with gravy, a sweet ham with mustard, pierogies, a fabulous bean salad, and all the fixings, as well as delicious squares (the peanut butter ones were the BEST). It was a great time of fellowship with lots of familiar people as well as lots of new people.
The subsequent concert was phenomenal with Keating (band with Cindy Keating, Vance Moss, Vince Noseworthy and John Squires) as the opening act. They are a rock band with Christian hearts. Every member of that band has impacted me in some way or another, and I love to see them. Check them out at www.keatingmusic.com. The theme of this past weekend was their song "Picture". Great song.
Then Tyler Hamilton performed. Tyler was on Canadian Idol a while back. Oh, how I love gospel music. Tyler has an awesome range and packs a whole lot of soul into his music. The heartbreaker for me was when he sang a song to his daughter and other children as well. There was this one little pixie-ish girl that was mesmerized by him and it really brought me to tears -- she was adorable.
Sunday, we had a dedication service in the afternoon, and the new building was officially dedicated. There were local politicians, provincial politicians, and guest speakers from our District Office as well as from Gateway Alliance Church. I am very pleased to be a part of a church that includes other churches in our prayers and also in very tangible ways as well. We partnered with Gateway Alliance Church for our Children's Vacation Bible School this past summer -- very successfully. It is truly good to have non-competitive relationships with other local churches and be able to synergize our efforts in the Kingdom of God.
It was a great weekend.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Too Far
God is good.
Feel free to stop reading right there. Truly, God is good. I have a pattern in my life that may need to change. I persist. And persist. And persist. Many times I persist far beyond what is considered normal. It is not enough for me to win an argument -- you must actually agree with me in the end for me to be happy. I am a very mission or project oriented person, and though people think I multi-task well, they don't know what is going on in my head. I am generally focused on one thing at a time, and if too many problems crop up, well, none of them get resolved. I will persist, persist, persist on whatever it is I am doing at the expense of everything else.
In some things, this trait is useful. For instance, in terms of athletics, persisting and pushing limits is a good thing in most circumstances. When I coached one of my sisters playing tennis, I would tell her going into a match, "Remember, you have all day to play this match. Don't be rushed. Persist. Stay with it." I like aggressive playing and a quick win whenever possible, but alot of times, particularly in traditional women's tennis, persistence is key. Being willing to stay out there until you win is the battle of wills, really. And it is usually your own internal battle. When I played what little competitive tennis I played way back when, I was determined, no matter what, to not lose a match on my serve. Even if I was down 0-6, 0-5, and it was my serve, I was determined not to lose that match on my serve. I visualized winning that game no matter what. I'm certain I must have lost matches on my serve, but I bet that wasn't typical for me. I don't remember losing matches on my serve very often.
I push limits. Probably other people's limits as well as my own. I learned how to push limits on a track. Every year, American schools have "Presidential" competitions or something like that. Everyone does these standard activities and based on results, gets either a presidential patch or a certificate. The activities included the broad jump, the 50-yard dash, 600-yard dash, situps, the bar-hang (I think), perhaps the shotput, perhaps other stuff. I think I got the presidential patch once. One of the most humiliating events of my growing up years was the 600-yard dash. That is about 1.5 times around a quarter-mile track, and I could not run the whole event to save my life! I simply could not. The only other person to come in after me was Bonnie Franklin. Every year, I was determined to run that whole event, and every year saw me with tears of humiliation because I would start walking somewhere around halfway through it. But one year was different. Oh, I failed the race again that year. But as other students went up the hill to the gym, I stayed down at that track determined to run a full 600-yard dash. So, I began. I persisted and persisted and persisted and indeed, I ran a full mile -- 4 times around the track. I wanted to keep going, but ran into the locker room and changed for class. I learned what it felt like to push my limits that day, and it was extremely satisfying. There is NOTHING like it.
So, yesterday, I took off on a walk. I don't know why, but I was determined to do a very, very long walk. I began from my place at 117 Street and 133 Avenue and wanted to get to the Sobey's grocery store at 97 Street and 167 Avenue. It was cool and cloudy and a bit misty out at times, too. But I made it there and felt pretty good. Got some broccoli for dinner. I started walking back home, and it soon became apparent that my legs were going to have problems with the trip. Oh, was I in pain fairly early on in the return trip. I decided to look behind me at every bus stop and if I saw a bus coming, I would stop and wait; otherwise, I would keep going. I walked most of the way without even seeing a bus at all, and by that time had reached a point where I was not going to waste the $2.25 on the trip.
I was really pushing my limits on this walk. Sometimes I push the limits in my relationships as well, and the results are not usually what I desire to experience overall. My personal recommendation is to lose this trait when arguing or disagreeing with those you love. Seriously, just lose it. Unless you are pushing your own limits of patience. That might be a good thing, but don't push the limits of others.
Anyway, somehow I made it home and was in the greatest amount of pain since a hiking trip I had taken a couple of years ago in Banff, along with Steve & Patti Hertzog. After that hiking trip, I was unable to climb stairs in any way other than one by one, and Patti -- excellent massage therapist -- had to fix me up as best she could with massage. Yesterday, I thought perhaps I had once again pushed my limits too far, and started worrying about all the implications of that scenario. The kids in the house were concerned because I was limping so heavily. But I hoped and prayed that after a night of rest, my legs would be okay. I popped anti-inflammatories and went to bed.
God is good. I woke up today and forgot I had even done a walk yesterday. I felt like he had once again given me another chance, like he wasn't going to punish me for being foolish enough to do a walk that was obviously too far for me. I hope and pray for his grace with regards to other areas where I have persisted and pushed the limits too far.
Feel free to stop reading right there. Truly, God is good. I have a pattern in my life that may need to change. I persist. And persist. And persist. Many times I persist far beyond what is considered normal. It is not enough for me to win an argument -- you must actually agree with me in the end for me to be happy. I am a very mission or project oriented person, and though people think I multi-task well, they don't know what is going on in my head. I am generally focused on one thing at a time, and if too many problems crop up, well, none of them get resolved. I will persist, persist, persist on whatever it is I am doing at the expense of everything else.
In some things, this trait is useful. For instance, in terms of athletics, persisting and pushing limits is a good thing in most circumstances. When I coached one of my sisters playing tennis, I would tell her going into a match, "Remember, you have all day to play this match. Don't be rushed. Persist. Stay with it." I like aggressive playing and a quick win whenever possible, but alot of times, particularly in traditional women's tennis, persistence is key. Being willing to stay out there until you win is the battle of wills, really. And it is usually your own internal battle. When I played what little competitive tennis I played way back when, I was determined, no matter what, to not lose a match on my serve. Even if I was down 0-6, 0-5, and it was my serve, I was determined not to lose that match on my serve. I visualized winning that game no matter what. I'm certain I must have lost matches on my serve, but I bet that wasn't typical for me. I don't remember losing matches on my serve very often.
I push limits. Probably other people's limits as well as my own. I learned how to push limits on a track. Every year, American schools have "Presidential" competitions or something like that. Everyone does these standard activities and based on results, gets either a presidential patch or a certificate. The activities included the broad jump, the 50-yard dash, 600-yard dash, situps, the bar-hang (I think), perhaps the shotput, perhaps other stuff. I think I got the presidential patch once. One of the most humiliating events of my growing up years was the 600-yard dash. That is about 1.5 times around a quarter-mile track, and I could not run the whole event to save my life! I simply could not. The only other person to come in after me was Bonnie Franklin. Every year, I was determined to run that whole event, and every year saw me with tears of humiliation because I would start walking somewhere around halfway through it. But one year was different. Oh, I failed the race again that year. But as other students went up the hill to the gym, I stayed down at that track determined to run a full 600-yard dash. So, I began. I persisted and persisted and persisted and indeed, I ran a full mile -- 4 times around the track. I wanted to keep going, but ran into the locker room and changed for class. I learned what it felt like to push my limits that day, and it was extremely satisfying. There is NOTHING like it.
So, yesterday, I took off on a walk. I don't know why, but I was determined to do a very, very long walk. I began from my place at 117 Street and 133 Avenue and wanted to get to the Sobey's grocery store at 97 Street and 167 Avenue. It was cool and cloudy and a bit misty out at times, too. But I made it there and felt pretty good. Got some broccoli for dinner. I started walking back home, and it soon became apparent that my legs were going to have problems with the trip. Oh, was I in pain fairly early on in the return trip. I decided to look behind me at every bus stop and if I saw a bus coming, I would stop and wait; otherwise, I would keep going. I walked most of the way without even seeing a bus at all, and by that time had reached a point where I was not going to waste the $2.25 on the trip.
I was really pushing my limits on this walk. Sometimes I push the limits in my relationships as well, and the results are not usually what I desire to experience overall. My personal recommendation is to lose this trait when arguing or disagreeing with those you love. Seriously, just lose it. Unless you are pushing your own limits of patience. That might be a good thing, but don't push the limits of others.
Anyway, somehow I made it home and was in the greatest amount of pain since a hiking trip I had taken a couple of years ago in Banff, along with Steve & Patti Hertzog. After that hiking trip, I was unable to climb stairs in any way other than one by one, and Patti -- excellent massage therapist -- had to fix me up as best she could with massage. Yesterday, I thought perhaps I had once again pushed my limits too far, and started worrying about all the implications of that scenario. The kids in the house were concerned because I was limping so heavily. But I hoped and prayed that after a night of rest, my legs would be okay. I popped anti-inflammatories and went to bed.
God is good. I woke up today and forgot I had even done a walk yesterday. I felt like he had once again given me another chance, like he wasn't going to punish me for being foolish enough to do a walk that was obviously too far for me. I hope and pray for his grace with regards to other areas where I have persisted and pushed the limits too far.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
YA
Young adults. No one who has known me for a long time would guess that I would have a heart for young adults in any way, shape, or form. This is definitely something new for me.
I hated being a young adult. I felt awkward, young, naive, stupid, untrained, fat, unattractive, etc. And frankly, when I looked at most young adults during that time, I saw alot of the same traits (i.e., naive, stupid), but I mostly thought most other young adults seemed more fortunate, prettier, more accepted, etc. My young adult years were spent in the Metro Detroit area of Michigan -- a place where many young adults never seemed to grow up. I was independent as quickly as possible, though not in the most advantageous way.
The young adults I associated with -- my friends -- were pretty much partiers. We loved to go out to the bars and dance the nights away (or watch the dancing in some cases). I must admit, I love good dance music played very loudly, and I love to dance, though I don't do that in the bars anymore! I remember many a winter night, where it was dangerous to be on the road sober, much less in the state we were in.
Amazingly (search for irony coming up), I did not meet the nicest young adults.
Fast forward 20 years. I am living with 7 young adults that are attending Vanguard Bible College. I lived with 5 young adults last year. And I have to tell you, my attitude has done a 180 degree turnaround. These young adults, who are attending bible college, getting a strong faith foundation, have totally impressed me. I don't claim to have an understanding of them, but in talking with them, I am totally impressed with their authenticity. Not that they are perfect, mind you, but they are "real" to me. The young adults in my past were plastic and seeking an obvious self-gratification. These young adults are seeking a good foundation for their growth into the ministry. I am wow'ed and just a little bit jealous and yearning to do it all over again, but better.
I hated being a young adult. I felt awkward, young, naive, stupid, untrained, fat, unattractive, etc. And frankly, when I looked at most young adults during that time, I saw alot of the same traits (i.e., naive, stupid), but I mostly thought most other young adults seemed more fortunate, prettier, more accepted, etc. My young adult years were spent in the Metro Detroit area of Michigan -- a place where many young adults never seemed to grow up. I was independent as quickly as possible, though not in the most advantageous way.
The young adults I associated with -- my friends -- were pretty much partiers. We loved to go out to the bars and dance the nights away (or watch the dancing in some cases). I must admit, I love good dance music played very loudly, and I love to dance, though I don't do that in the bars anymore! I remember many a winter night, where it was dangerous to be on the road sober, much less in the state we were in.
Amazingly (search for irony coming up), I did not meet the nicest young adults.
Fast forward 20 years. I am living with 7 young adults that are attending Vanguard Bible College. I lived with 5 young adults last year. And I have to tell you, my attitude has done a 180 degree turnaround. These young adults, who are attending bible college, getting a strong faith foundation, have totally impressed me. I don't claim to have an understanding of them, but in talking with them, I am totally impressed with their authenticity. Not that they are perfect, mind you, but they are "real" to me. The young adults in my past were plastic and seeking an obvious self-gratification. These young adults are seeking a good foundation for their growth into the ministry. I am wow'ed and just a little bit jealous and yearning to do it all over again, but better.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Yearn to Burn or Burn to Yearn
Well, I am certainly thankful to God for many, many things. I seem to get chance after chance (day after day) to improve, grow, whatever you want to call it.
But this last month has been very tough. About a month ago, I had two fender-benders in one week. The 2nd one was far worse than the first. So, I've started walking everywhere. If only that was my biggest problem. . . but that is for another devotional! Anyway, today I went to drive the car to church, and a window was busted out. Someone busted in so they could steal my CD player. They did not seem to take anything else. Too bad. The key to the dratted car was in a compartment. I almost wish the whole thing could have gone away. Perhaps next time.
My room & board mates, Jordyn and Andrea, were with me in the car when the discovery of the break in was made. I wasn't noticably upset; inside, I was just mad at myself a bit. I had to stop the car and close the door that had been opened. Then, I had to stop the car because apparently, they broke into the trunk, though they don't appear to have taken anything, although I have not yet checked for my flute. I had to shut the trunk. As I climbed back in and told Jordyn (in the back) that it was going to be a bit of a cold ride, she said, "Wow. You are really handling this well -- I would have been yelling and whatever." I was glad that I wasn't all that upset -- and immediately thanked God for that. "Well, Jordyn, I could be upset, but it would really be pretty pointless."
As usual, though, God reveals himself in tough circumstances. Like I said, I've been doing alot of walking -- alot. So, this past Friday, I decided to walk to Safeway which is about a 20 - 25 minute walk. Jordyn said, "Don't go! It is pouring outside!" But I have been walking enough that I would miss it if I did not do it. So, I took off out the front door. As I began walking up 117 Street, a funny thing happened. It has happened before, but not for a while. I used to love it when it occurred.
I felt the yearn to burn. That's right. I wanted to feel my legs burn, burn, burn on a run. My legs felt good, the rain (just a drizzle really) did not really bother me, though it was cold. I imagined myself jogging, sprinting, turning curves. The walking has lightened me up a little bit, though it is not really noticable on the outside. And when I lighten up, I want to start running. Soon . . .
I starting thinking about the bible study I started with again the day before, and how grateful I am to get back into it, and how excited I am to start reading the bible for more than just to complete my "reading for the day" kind of thing, and how I know that I am going to experience God's touch. I looked forward to returning from my trip to Safeway to do the day's homework. I felt the burn to yearn. That's right. My heart hurt to yearn, yearn, yearn for God's tangible presence.
If I soon get to feel my legs burn and my heart yearn more and more . . . well, I'm pretty sure that is as close to heaven as I will be able to get on earth.
God, I love you for your faithfulness. You did not cause me to have fender benders. You did not cause my window to be busted in or my possessions stolen. But you took these things and turned them into something good. When I am low, you bring me up again. How could I be anything but grateful to you. I pray that somehow this message gets passed on to someone who needs the same kind of lift. Who needs to have the yearn to burn and / or the burn to yearn reignited in them once again.
But this last month has been very tough. About a month ago, I had two fender-benders in one week. The 2nd one was far worse than the first. So, I've started walking everywhere. If only that was my biggest problem. . . but that is for another devotional! Anyway, today I went to drive the car to church, and a window was busted out. Someone busted in so they could steal my CD player. They did not seem to take anything else. Too bad. The key to the dratted car was in a compartment. I almost wish the whole thing could have gone away. Perhaps next time.
My room & board mates, Jordyn and Andrea, were with me in the car when the discovery of the break in was made. I wasn't noticably upset; inside, I was just mad at myself a bit. I had to stop the car and close the door that had been opened. Then, I had to stop the car because apparently, they broke into the trunk, though they don't appear to have taken anything, although I have not yet checked for my flute. I had to shut the trunk. As I climbed back in and told Jordyn (in the back) that it was going to be a bit of a cold ride, she said, "Wow. You are really handling this well -- I would have been yelling and whatever." I was glad that I wasn't all that upset -- and immediately thanked God for that. "Well, Jordyn, I could be upset, but it would really be pretty pointless."
As usual, though, God reveals himself in tough circumstances. Like I said, I've been doing alot of walking -- alot. So, this past Friday, I decided to walk to Safeway which is about a 20 - 25 minute walk. Jordyn said, "Don't go! It is pouring outside!" But I have been walking enough that I would miss it if I did not do it. So, I took off out the front door. As I began walking up 117 Street, a funny thing happened. It has happened before, but not for a while. I used to love it when it occurred.
I felt the yearn to burn. That's right. I wanted to feel my legs burn, burn, burn on a run. My legs felt good, the rain (just a drizzle really) did not really bother me, though it was cold. I imagined myself jogging, sprinting, turning curves. The walking has lightened me up a little bit, though it is not really noticable on the outside. And when I lighten up, I want to start running. Soon . . .
I starting thinking about the bible study I started with again the day before, and how grateful I am to get back into it, and how excited I am to start reading the bible for more than just to complete my "reading for the day" kind of thing, and how I know that I am going to experience God's touch. I looked forward to returning from my trip to Safeway to do the day's homework. I felt the burn to yearn. That's right. My heart hurt to yearn, yearn, yearn for God's tangible presence.
If I soon get to feel my legs burn and my heart yearn more and more . . . well, I'm pretty sure that is as close to heaven as I will be able to get on earth.
God, I love you for your faithfulness. You did not cause me to have fender benders. You did not cause my window to be busted in or my possessions stolen. But you took these things and turned them into something good. When I am low, you bring me up again. How could I be anything but grateful to you. I pray that somehow this message gets passed on to someone who needs the same kind of lift. Who needs to have the yearn to burn and / or the burn to yearn reignited in them once again.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Spinach
“An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.” Proverbs 24:26
If I counted all the people who are willing to tell me there is spinach stuck in my teeth, I believe depression would hit as I realized the scarcity of real friendship.
If I counted all the people who are willing to tell me there is spinach stuck in my teeth, I believe depression would hit as I realized the scarcity of real friendship.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Bible Study Fellowship
Ahhhhhh.....it was just like putting on my most comfortable shoes. I have missed the comfort of Bible Study Fellowship these past couple of years, but today was day one of this year's study of the book of Romans.
I'm under a bit of stress right now, and perhaps that is what lead me to tears while we 50 women or so were singing hymns to start off the session today, but I don't think that was it. It was simply the beautiful sound of 50 voices raised to God in worship.
I am so excited about this study -- it has been so long since I've been a part of a study that isn't a mass-marketed, media-hyped, DVD-driven, everybody-jump-on-the-bandwagon experience. This study has been around since the 1950's, and I doubt its format or content have changed much at all. I love exploring the Bible and learning what God has for us in His word on a daily basis.....
I took the bus there and met some interesting people along the way. One young lady who was at the original bus stop I was at is studying to be a lawyer at Grant MacEwan. Her interest is on the prosecutor side, so I told her about my friend Nathan who is a Crown Prosecutor for the RCMP.
I saw my friend Carla at BSF, and she gave me a ride home -- I was very grateful for that as it POURED most of the day today. I have an awful cold and it hurts to breathe tonight -- Fall has arrived.
Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to begin studying with Bible Study Fellowship again. I thank you for the ladies who remembered me from over two years ago and for the comforting knowledge that my time here is not wasted even when it seems that perhaps it is. I praise you, God, for inspiring the originators of Bible Study Fellowship to develop this 7-year study that is still alive and vibrant all over the world today. I pray that you continue to guide both men and women to this study to learn about you through studying together, singing together, praising together, etc. I pray that our time there honours you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
I'm under a bit of stress right now, and perhaps that is what lead me to tears while we 50 women or so were singing hymns to start off the session today, but I don't think that was it. It was simply the beautiful sound of 50 voices raised to God in worship.
I am so excited about this study -- it has been so long since I've been a part of a study that isn't a mass-marketed, media-hyped, DVD-driven, everybody-jump-on-the-bandwagon experience. This study has been around since the 1950's, and I doubt its format or content have changed much at all. I love exploring the Bible and learning what God has for us in His word on a daily basis.....
I took the bus there and met some interesting people along the way. One young lady who was at the original bus stop I was at is studying to be a lawyer at Grant MacEwan. Her interest is on the prosecutor side, so I told her about my friend Nathan who is a Crown Prosecutor for the RCMP.
I saw my friend Carla at BSF, and she gave me a ride home -- I was very grateful for that as it POURED most of the day today. I have an awful cold and it hurts to breathe tonight -- Fall has arrived.
Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to begin studying with Bible Study Fellowship again. I thank you for the ladies who remembered me from over two years ago and for the comforting knowledge that my time here is not wasted even when it seems that perhaps it is. I praise you, God, for inspiring the originators of Bible Study Fellowship to develop this 7-year study that is still alive and vibrant all over the world today. I pray that you continue to guide both men and women to this study to learn about you through studying together, singing together, praising together, etc. I pray that our time there honours you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Friday, September 08, 2006
How do you mend a broken heart?
"That is why the LORD says, ' Turn to me now, while there is time! Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Don't tear your clothing in your grief; instead, tear your hearts.' "
Joel 2:12-13
And there you have it. It is easy to tear one's clothing -- not so easy to tear one's heart. When is a heart broken enough? Ever?
Joel 2:12-13
And there you have it. It is easy to tear one's clothing -- not so easy to tear one's heart. When is a heart broken enough? Ever?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Rebuked
“Then Joab went to the king’s room and said to him, “We saved your life today and the lives of your sons, your daughters, and your wives and concubines. Yet you act like this, making us feel ashamed, as though we had done something wrong. You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that we mean nothing to you. If Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased.”
2 Samuel 19:5-6
Rebuked
I wonder if you are like me. I wonder if you have had a number of experiences where you love somebody, or you are loyal to somebody, or you go to bat for somebody, or you help somebody out . . . and then, that somebody rejects you. It seems as if they don’t care or don’t value real love or loyalty, or they aren’t able to distinguish real love or loyalty from false love or loyalty. I have experienced this too many times in my life. It wearies me.
I think many children experience this as they integrate into some public school systems. Most children want to be accepted – I would guess acceptance is even a developmental need in order to become a well-balanced adult. But there aren’t many schools I have been to where all kids are accepted or feel accepted. Wanting to be part of the “in-crowd” in a way indicates a child’s love for those already in the “in-crowd” – at least from the child’s perspective. What happens when that acceptance doesn’t occur? We feel a lot like Joab did when he rebuked David. Why would anyone reject us who love and demonstrate our love in tangible, sacrificial and costly ways?
Fact is, if you were like me at times, feeling not accepted by a chosen peer group, you then began rejecting those people that actually loved you! I remember being asked to a Homecoming dance by our Chilean exchange student who I was certainly fascinated with, but I turned him down – not part of the in-crowd. Thus, there was no Homecoming dance for me. (By the way, in thinking about this, I am extremely embarrassed at how stupid I was as well as how unkind I could be. My loss totally.)
I spent my time wondering why those I loved hated me and those I hated loved me. In hindsight, the irony is that I hated those who loved me and loved those who hated me.
I remember a Business Communications Course I took from the University of Virginia’s Falls Church extension campus. I was just starting to go back to school after years of not really trying at all, and I was a bit insecure – especially about writing. Though creative writing was a part of my growing up years, my last year of high school and subsequent years found me claiming to have “writer’s block”. I did not seem to be able to spit out a paper no matter my efforts.
There were about a dozen students. Our instructor was well-recognized and well-educated in the field of business communications. She had an interest particularly in the differences in communication styles between men and women. We read one of Deborah Tannen’s books to aid in our understanding of the subject. She also spent a lot of time on understanding meta-messages we give in our communications with others. Body language, choice of words, timing, etc., were all studied and debated.
It was interesting to go back to school as an adult. There were a lot of similarities to elementary school in this classroom. Whenever the instructor was not there, most of the students would criticize her and mock her in a very immature way. I did not participate as that particular behavior disgusted me. I held my tongue and simply did my work. I thought my work was pretty good, too. Developing presentations in this subject was fun.
We started getting writing assignments, and my grades came back a bit lower than I liked, but I figured that was just a function of so many years since any effort was made. We students compared grades – ah yes, mine was low compared to many. There were some high “A”’s floating around, and none of them floated toward me! They all floated to students who even mocked the “A”s they were given. They mimicked, they mocked, they didn’t do their work until the night before it was due. I respected, I honoured, I did copious amounts of work during the week before the assignment was due. They ended up with “A”s and I ended up with a “C+”. The instructor even honoured a particular woman in the class as the best in the class. Can you guess what I am going to tell you next? If you guessed that the woman she honoured was actually the ringleader and the worst of the mockers and mimickers, then you are right. I felt just like Joab felt, but did nothing because I also felt perhaps my writing really wasn’t very good at all or was just starting to redevelop.
I can think of numerous times in the workplace, some involving me, some not, when I observed this same situation of a boss not knowing who his/her real allies were and who was working against them.
The Bible tells of one such instance. Check out 2 Chronicles 23 and 24. The story is told of Joash – a King of Judah. According to the Bible, “Joash did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight throughout the lifetime of Jehoiada the priest.” (2 Chronicles 24 : 2) Jehoiada and his wife Jehosheba hid and protected Joash from death as an infant as nearly all of the rest of his family was wiped out. Jehoiada and his sons anointed Joash as the King while dethroning Athaliah (not a good queen). Jehoiada chose wives for Joash. Jehoiada helped Joash repair the Temple.
Jehoiada died at 130 years old. His lifetime of loyal service was rewarded by Joash as can be read in 2 Chronicles 24 : 21-22: “Then the leaders plotted to kill Zechariah, and King Joash ordered that they stone him to death in the courtyard of the Lord’s Temple. That was how King Joash repaid Jehoiada for his loyalty—by killing his son. Zechariah’s last words as he died were, ‘May the Lord see what they are doing and avenge my death!’ “
Honestly, what is up with that? All those things that Jehoiada did amounted to NOTHING in Joash’s mind? How could it not be obvious to Joash that Jehoiada loved him?
The Bible tells us to “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3 : 23) But when you feel misunderstood, misused, rejected, or any combination of these things, by your earthly master so to speak, it is tempting to speak up as did Joab. As a Christian, sometimes it is hard to know when to speak up and when to stay silent. Staying silent is often the preferred choice (do I really need to use a scripture reference – see all of Proverbs!)
Tonight I pray that the Lord works on my heart in terms of this issue. I pray that I start to care less and less and less about who the “in-crowd” is and care more and more and more about those who are still a part of the crowd that is outside of the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I pray for the forgiveness of my sins, including “hating” the ones who have loved me, and I forgive those who have seemed to hate me even though I have loved them. I pray that with the writing of this devotional, I let the past be the past, and begin to move forward again. I pray for the lightness of spirit that only real forgiveness can bring. And Lord, when I want to speak out of turn, please rebuke me.
2 Samuel 19:5-6
Rebuked
I wonder if you are like me. I wonder if you have had a number of experiences where you love somebody, or you are loyal to somebody, or you go to bat for somebody, or you help somebody out . . . and then, that somebody rejects you. It seems as if they don’t care or don’t value real love or loyalty, or they aren’t able to distinguish real love or loyalty from false love or loyalty. I have experienced this too many times in my life. It wearies me.
I think many children experience this as they integrate into some public school systems. Most children want to be accepted – I would guess acceptance is even a developmental need in order to become a well-balanced adult. But there aren’t many schools I have been to where all kids are accepted or feel accepted. Wanting to be part of the “in-crowd” in a way indicates a child’s love for those already in the “in-crowd” – at least from the child’s perspective. What happens when that acceptance doesn’t occur? We feel a lot like Joab did when he rebuked David. Why would anyone reject us who love and demonstrate our love in tangible, sacrificial and costly ways?
Fact is, if you were like me at times, feeling not accepted by a chosen peer group, you then began rejecting those people that actually loved you! I remember being asked to a Homecoming dance by our Chilean exchange student who I was certainly fascinated with, but I turned him down – not part of the in-crowd. Thus, there was no Homecoming dance for me. (By the way, in thinking about this, I am extremely embarrassed at how stupid I was as well as how unkind I could be. My loss totally.)
I spent my time wondering why those I loved hated me and those I hated loved me. In hindsight, the irony is that I hated those who loved me and loved those who hated me.
I remember a Business Communications Course I took from the University of Virginia’s Falls Church extension campus. I was just starting to go back to school after years of not really trying at all, and I was a bit insecure – especially about writing. Though creative writing was a part of my growing up years, my last year of high school and subsequent years found me claiming to have “writer’s block”. I did not seem to be able to spit out a paper no matter my efforts.
There were about a dozen students. Our instructor was well-recognized and well-educated in the field of business communications. She had an interest particularly in the differences in communication styles between men and women. We read one of Deborah Tannen’s books to aid in our understanding of the subject. She also spent a lot of time on understanding meta-messages we give in our communications with others. Body language, choice of words, timing, etc., were all studied and debated.
It was interesting to go back to school as an adult. There were a lot of similarities to elementary school in this classroom. Whenever the instructor was not there, most of the students would criticize her and mock her in a very immature way. I did not participate as that particular behavior disgusted me. I held my tongue and simply did my work. I thought my work was pretty good, too. Developing presentations in this subject was fun.
We started getting writing assignments, and my grades came back a bit lower than I liked, but I figured that was just a function of so many years since any effort was made. We students compared grades – ah yes, mine was low compared to many. There were some high “A”’s floating around, and none of them floated toward me! They all floated to students who even mocked the “A”s they were given. They mimicked, they mocked, they didn’t do their work until the night before it was due. I respected, I honoured, I did copious amounts of work during the week before the assignment was due. They ended up with “A”s and I ended up with a “C+”. The instructor even honoured a particular woman in the class as the best in the class. Can you guess what I am going to tell you next? If you guessed that the woman she honoured was actually the ringleader and the worst of the mockers and mimickers, then you are right. I felt just like Joab felt, but did nothing because I also felt perhaps my writing really wasn’t very good at all or was just starting to redevelop.
I can think of numerous times in the workplace, some involving me, some not, when I observed this same situation of a boss not knowing who his/her real allies were and who was working against them.
The Bible tells of one such instance. Check out 2 Chronicles 23 and 24. The story is told of Joash – a King of Judah. According to the Bible, “Joash did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight throughout the lifetime of Jehoiada the priest.” (2 Chronicles 24 : 2) Jehoiada and his wife Jehosheba hid and protected Joash from death as an infant as nearly all of the rest of his family was wiped out. Jehoiada and his sons anointed Joash as the King while dethroning Athaliah (not a good queen). Jehoiada chose wives for Joash. Jehoiada helped Joash repair the Temple.
Jehoiada died at 130 years old. His lifetime of loyal service was rewarded by Joash as can be read in 2 Chronicles 24 : 21-22: “Then the leaders plotted to kill Zechariah, and King Joash ordered that they stone him to death in the courtyard of the Lord’s Temple. That was how King Joash repaid Jehoiada for his loyalty—by killing his son. Zechariah’s last words as he died were, ‘May the Lord see what they are doing and avenge my death!’ “
Honestly, what is up with that? All those things that Jehoiada did amounted to NOTHING in Joash’s mind? How could it not be obvious to Joash that Jehoiada loved him?
The Bible tells us to “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3 : 23) But when you feel misunderstood, misused, rejected, or any combination of these things, by your earthly master so to speak, it is tempting to speak up as did Joab. As a Christian, sometimes it is hard to know when to speak up and when to stay silent. Staying silent is often the preferred choice (do I really need to use a scripture reference – see all of Proverbs!)
Tonight I pray that the Lord works on my heart in terms of this issue. I pray that I start to care less and less and less about who the “in-crowd” is and care more and more and more about those who are still a part of the crowd that is outside of the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I pray for the forgiveness of my sins, including “hating” the ones who have loved me, and I forgive those who have seemed to hate me even though I have loved them. I pray that with the writing of this devotional, I let the past be the past, and begin to move forward again. I pray for the lightness of spirit that only real forgiveness can bring. And Lord, when I want to speak out of turn, please rebuke me.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
One of the Three
"David remarked longingly to his men, 'Oh, how I would love some of that good water from the well by the gate in Bethlehem.' So the Three broke through the Philistine lines, drew some water from the well by the gate in Bethlehem, and brought it back to David. But he refused to drink it. Instead, he poured it out as an offering to the Lord. 'The Lord forbid that I should drink this!' he exclaimed. 'This water is as precious as the blood of these men who risked their lives to bring it to me.' So David did not drink it. These are examples of the exploits of the Three." 2 Samuel 23:15-17
Oh to be one of the Three
Do you ever fantasize about being on a "Dream Team"? I do. The Yankees. The Oilers. Hewitt & McMillan (for all you older tennis players). They all bring "Dream Team" to mind.
I've had the experience once before now. And I suppose, it is not a bad idea to recap this stuff once in a while. So, here goes....
I was about 27 when I moved from Michigan back to the Washington, D.C., area where I had grown up. At the time, I worked for the U.S. Postal Service as a letter carrier. Work at the Post Office was tough and being in an environment that is heavily unionized was not all that pleasant for me. My experience is that extreme behaviors occur and extreme measures are taken simply to negotiate to the "middle ground". I did not have a Dream Team experience at the Post Office.
However, one of the stops on my mail route in Bethesda, Maryland, was an engineering and consulting firm - Dames & Moore. I noticed that the office was very professional, and I was particularly impressed with the ethnic diversity in the firm and also with the expressions on the faces of staff I would happen to see - they looked happy to me. They were not "yuppy" or pretty looking, but sincere and happy looking. I longed for that. One day, I happened to ask if there were any job openings in that firm, and the receptionist told me there was a secretarial opening to work for two of the partners in that office. So, I decided to apply and in fact landed the job.
And so began an interesting nearly 10 year experience. It was far from perfect for anyone to begin with. It was very interesting to work for the two partners I worked for -- they were the exact opposite of each other in terms of temperament and approach to almost everything. One worked in frenetic spurts, often missing deadlines, going overbudget, and explaining/negotiating things away after the fact. The other was always prepared, tended to be within budget, and always made his deadlines, and when there were overruns he was always prepared.
It is no fun serving two bosses. Biblically, it is impossible. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Check it out -- Matthew 6:24 / Luke 16:13.
What happened with the two bosses is the subject for another devotional. Regardless, I ended up working for one of the two. He was the head of the geotechnical engineering group in the office, and eventually went on to become a Regional Manager. Working with him and his group was like being on a Dream Team. These engineers were tight-knit and all of them had traveled the world engineering sites for buildings. They were highly regarded in the field and some of them held positions on governing bodies that established engineering standards in that field. Walking around with them was an absolute treat as they could explain the geology and the soil structure anywhere we went!
So, I found that everywhere I traveled, I talked about the Dream Team I was on. Planes, trains, busses and automobiles were opportunities for me to talk about the players and the projects done by this team and our firm in general. Well, let me tell you, when you believe in what you are talking about, people want to jump on board. People I met gravitated to me and working relationships started to come together. I once met a 4-star admiral on a plane who was having asbestos issues in some warehouses in California. I told him about the Dream Team and how they could help him out, and I'll never forget him handing me his business card and saying "Have your guy call my guy." Let me be clear - this was not a credit to me, but to the Dream Team of which I was part. There was excellence. There was synergy. There was loyalty. There was honour. There was mutual respect. There was submission of personal objectives for the good of the team. There was kindness. There was love.
I loved being part of the Dream Team and am so very grateful to have the experience.
When my boss left the firm, the Dream Team fell apart. It was not a good situation for any of the remaining members of the team. There were still all those attributes listed above, but there was no team. I became a casualty of the fallout.
As I read about King David's escapades with his mighty men, and in particular with "The Three" that were his closest men, I am quite certain that was his Dream Team. There was excellence. There was synergy. There was loyalty. There was honour. There was mutual respect. There was submission of personal objectives for the good of the team - and for the Glory of God. There was kindness. There was love.
I long for the experience once again of being on a Dream Team. I don't think I make a good "David", but I think for a good Dream Team leader I make a great warrior.
Jesus, I yearn to be on your Dream Team. I pray that there be an opportunity for me to use what gifts I have to benefit the Kingdom of God. Oh how I long to be one of the mighty three. I pray to be filled with Your love of people and the desire for others to know You in the most intimate way. I can only imagine that years ago You allowed me to have that Dream Team experience so I could be a part of Your Dream Team today. I pray this in Your name. Amen.
Oh to be one of the Three
Do you ever fantasize about being on a "Dream Team"? I do. The Yankees. The Oilers. Hewitt & McMillan (for all you older tennis players). They all bring "Dream Team" to mind.
I've had the experience once before now. And I suppose, it is not a bad idea to recap this stuff once in a while. So, here goes....
I was about 27 when I moved from Michigan back to the Washington, D.C., area where I had grown up. At the time, I worked for the U.S. Postal Service as a letter carrier. Work at the Post Office was tough and being in an environment that is heavily unionized was not all that pleasant for me. My experience is that extreme behaviors occur and extreme measures are taken simply to negotiate to the "middle ground". I did not have a Dream Team experience at the Post Office.
However, one of the stops on my mail route in Bethesda, Maryland, was an engineering and consulting firm - Dames & Moore. I noticed that the office was very professional, and I was particularly impressed with the ethnic diversity in the firm and also with the expressions on the faces of staff I would happen to see - they looked happy to me. They were not "yuppy" or pretty looking, but sincere and happy looking. I longed for that. One day, I happened to ask if there were any job openings in that firm, and the receptionist told me there was a secretarial opening to work for two of the partners in that office. So, I decided to apply and in fact landed the job.
And so began an interesting nearly 10 year experience. It was far from perfect for anyone to begin with. It was very interesting to work for the two partners I worked for -- they were the exact opposite of each other in terms of temperament and approach to almost everything. One worked in frenetic spurts, often missing deadlines, going overbudget, and explaining/negotiating things away after the fact. The other was always prepared, tended to be within budget, and always made his deadlines, and when there were overruns he was always prepared.
It is no fun serving two bosses. Biblically, it is impossible. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Check it out -- Matthew 6:24 / Luke 16:13.
What happened with the two bosses is the subject for another devotional. Regardless, I ended up working for one of the two. He was the head of the geotechnical engineering group in the office, and eventually went on to become a Regional Manager. Working with him and his group was like being on a Dream Team. These engineers were tight-knit and all of them had traveled the world engineering sites for buildings. They were highly regarded in the field and some of them held positions on governing bodies that established engineering standards in that field. Walking around with them was an absolute treat as they could explain the geology and the soil structure anywhere we went!
So, I found that everywhere I traveled, I talked about the Dream Team I was on. Planes, trains, busses and automobiles were opportunities for me to talk about the players and the projects done by this team and our firm in general. Well, let me tell you, when you believe in what you are talking about, people want to jump on board. People I met gravitated to me and working relationships started to come together. I once met a 4-star admiral on a plane who was having asbestos issues in some warehouses in California. I told him about the Dream Team and how they could help him out, and I'll never forget him handing me his business card and saying "Have your guy call my guy." Let me be clear - this was not a credit to me, but to the Dream Team of which I was part. There was excellence. There was synergy. There was loyalty. There was honour. There was mutual respect. There was submission of personal objectives for the good of the team. There was kindness. There was love.
I loved being part of the Dream Team and am so very grateful to have the experience.
When my boss left the firm, the Dream Team fell apart. It was not a good situation for any of the remaining members of the team. There were still all those attributes listed above, but there was no team. I became a casualty of the fallout.
As I read about King David's escapades with his mighty men, and in particular with "The Three" that were his closest men, I am quite certain that was his Dream Team. There was excellence. There was synergy. There was loyalty. There was honour. There was mutual respect. There was submission of personal objectives for the good of the team - and for the Glory of God. There was kindness. There was love.
I long for the experience once again of being on a Dream Team. I don't think I make a good "David", but I think for a good Dream Team leader I make a great warrior.
Jesus, I yearn to be on your Dream Team. I pray that there be an opportunity for me to use what gifts I have to benefit the Kingdom of God. Oh how I long to be one of the mighty three. I pray to be filled with Your love of people and the desire for others to know You in the most intimate way. I can only imagine that years ago You allowed me to have that Dream Team experience so I could be a part of Your Dream Team today. I pray this in Your name. Amen.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
1 Timothy 4-6
Evy.
Whenever I read 1 Timonthy 5, I think of Evy -- a widow and an elder. She meets every requirement in this scripture to receive all possible benefits. When I am in her presence, I am humbled. She has faced so many significant trials in her life - a challenging marriage, the death of her child, cancer and subsequent mastectomies. And yet, if you were to talk to her right now, you would not fathom any of that, for her joy in the Lord does not seem to ever cease.
I thank God for Evy's being in my life.
Whenever I read 1 Timonthy 5, I think of Evy -- a widow and an elder. She meets every requirement in this scripture to receive all possible benefits. When I am in her presence, I am humbled. She has faced so many significant trials in her life - a challenging marriage, the death of her child, cancer and subsequent mastectomies. And yet, if you were to talk to her right now, you would not fathom any of that, for her joy in the Lord does not seem to ever cease.
I thank God for Evy's being in my life.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Nowhere
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Luke 9:58
Nowhere
How well I remember this piece of scripture – my first memorized verse. I had recently become a Christian, and a personal trainer friend of mine, also a Christian, sent me the link to get an online mailing every day called “Sayings of Jesus” (www.sayingsofjesus.com). And the scripture above was the first one I got. I sent it off with questions to another friend in Edmonton, Alberta, who gave the questions to his pastor, who sent an answer back to me:
The context of this passage is Jesus was responding to a person who said he would follow Jesus. Jesus was simply saying, "If you want to follow me you may find you have less than you started with. I have no place to call home and if you follow me you will find you may have no place of acceptance or to call home. You will need to give up everything to follow me, so think about the price before you make the commitment and if you can pay the price make the commitment."
Well, that pastor is now my pastor, too, and he is a very good teacher. I thought that this scripture really laid things on the line – you are either in for the ride or out. No middle ground. I remember being a bit apprehensive about this scripture, because from the beginning of this journey, I knew it was “going to be hard”, and I wondered if this scripture would apply to me. But I also knew that any other way would not be really living. If I chose any other way, I knew I would have regrets and have missed something huge. I’m not talking about my journey to Edmonton, but my journey to Christ.
And it has been hard. It has also been hugely rewarding. I have an awesome pastor, a loving church family, good friends here to love and be loved by, a family back in Michigan that loves me still, a vehicle that works, a friend who is a doctor that fixed me up when I got beat up by my cat, a friend who is chiropractor who is fixing me up after massive packing and unpacking at our new church, a friend who is a massage therapist who has fixed me up repeatedly, a secret sister who has taken exceptional care of me – I could go on and on and on and on…..well, you get the picture.
The hard part has been in the waiting. I came here deciding to finish up a degree in Information Technology at NAIT while here. It seemed an obvious choice – I was nearly done and the program at NAIT is an excellent one. So, I would have one year of school, and one year of practicum. My church has been very generous to me and hired me for my practicum experience. Now that is over. And now I need to be able to work for real, and as a U.S. citizen, this means I go for a post-graduate work visa. It has already been 8 weeks since I have had to stop working. It is very hard to be my age and have nowhere to work.
In the meantime, I am housesitting. I have lived at a room and board here in Edmonton along with 4 or 5 other students in Bible College. I still maintain that it is healthier to live with people rather than on one’s own, but it can be hard at times, and when those hard times come, I feel like a failure who has no place of her own. And when I am housesitting, I think of how most people my age have a home and a family.
I know that we are all called to different purposes for God and that the measure of success in this world can be far different than the measure of success in God’s eyes. But even that is hard when there is so much apparent evidence to the contrary. It is one thing to talk the talk but it is a far cry from walking the talk.
The rubber meets the road right here, right now. I have been feeling insecure because of my circumstances – basically, having nowhere to work and no place to call my own. In tennis, there is one area of the court that is called “No Man’s Land” – that would be where I stand right now. And, I have not borne the experience all that well. I’ve complained about it and felt a bit of self-pity about it. I’ve tried to get out of No Man’s Land to no avail. I am determined to see this through, but it would be good to see it through with grace as opposed to a lack thereof.
I asked God for this experience. I counted the costs and determined that the cost of not following Him was far greater than following Him. So, I asked Him to give me the strength and the courage to follow Him wherever He leads. I still ask Him for that today. I guess it is time to realize that when I climbed out of the hole or flew out of the nest, it was not a temporary measure. The journey is not over and I may forever have nowhere to lay my head.
Jesus, I ask you again today for the strength and courage to follow you. I counted the costs when I began and though I’ve had a blip here, I still maintain there is no other way. I also ask for you to work on my heart further so I deal with these situations with more grace. I pray that I begin to appreciate the opportunities, like this one, to be more like you, and that I don’t look for affirmation based on others’ experiences, or look back with regret to things of no substance, or have expectations because of what seems “normal” to me. In your name, I ask these things.
Nowhere
How well I remember this piece of scripture – my first memorized verse. I had recently become a Christian, and a personal trainer friend of mine, also a Christian, sent me the link to get an online mailing every day called “Sayings of Jesus” (www.sayingsofjesus.com). And the scripture above was the first one I got. I sent it off with questions to another friend in Edmonton, Alberta, who gave the questions to his pastor, who sent an answer back to me:
The context of this passage is Jesus was responding to a person who said he would follow Jesus. Jesus was simply saying, "If you want to follow me you may find you have less than you started with. I have no place to call home and if you follow me you will find you may have no place of acceptance or to call home. You will need to give up everything to follow me, so think about the price before you make the commitment and if you can pay the price make the commitment."
Well, that pastor is now my pastor, too, and he is a very good teacher. I thought that this scripture really laid things on the line – you are either in for the ride or out. No middle ground. I remember being a bit apprehensive about this scripture, because from the beginning of this journey, I knew it was “going to be hard”, and I wondered if this scripture would apply to me. But I also knew that any other way would not be really living. If I chose any other way, I knew I would have regrets and have missed something huge. I’m not talking about my journey to Edmonton, but my journey to Christ.
And it has been hard. It has also been hugely rewarding. I have an awesome pastor, a loving church family, good friends here to love and be loved by, a family back in Michigan that loves me still, a vehicle that works, a friend who is a doctor that fixed me up when I got beat up by my cat, a friend who is chiropractor who is fixing me up after massive packing and unpacking at our new church, a friend who is a massage therapist who has fixed me up repeatedly, a secret sister who has taken exceptional care of me – I could go on and on and on and on…..well, you get the picture.
The hard part has been in the waiting. I came here deciding to finish up a degree in Information Technology at NAIT while here. It seemed an obvious choice – I was nearly done and the program at NAIT is an excellent one. So, I would have one year of school, and one year of practicum. My church has been very generous to me and hired me for my practicum experience. Now that is over. And now I need to be able to work for real, and as a U.S. citizen, this means I go for a post-graduate work visa. It has already been 8 weeks since I have had to stop working. It is very hard to be my age and have nowhere to work.
In the meantime, I am housesitting. I have lived at a room and board here in Edmonton along with 4 or 5 other students in Bible College. I still maintain that it is healthier to live with people rather than on one’s own, but it can be hard at times, and when those hard times come, I feel like a failure who has no place of her own. And when I am housesitting, I think of how most people my age have a home and a family.
I know that we are all called to different purposes for God and that the measure of success in this world can be far different than the measure of success in God’s eyes. But even that is hard when there is so much apparent evidence to the contrary. It is one thing to talk the talk but it is a far cry from walking the talk.
The rubber meets the road right here, right now. I have been feeling insecure because of my circumstances – basically, having nowhere to work and no place to call my own. In tennis, there is one area of the court that is called “No Man’s Land” – that would be where I stand right now. And, I have not borne the experience all that well. I’ve complained about it and felt a bit of self-pity about it. I’ve tried to get out of No Man’s Land to no avail. I am determined to see this through, but it would be good to see it through with grace as opposed to a lack thereof.
I asked God for this experience. I counted the costs and determined that the cost of not following Him was far greater than following Him. So, I asked Him to give me the strength and the courage to follow Him wherever He leads. I still ask Him for that today. I guess it is time to realize that when I climbed out of the hole or flew out of the nest, it was not a temporary measure. The journey is not over and I may forever have nowhere to lay my head.
Jesus, I ask you again today for the strength and courage to follow you. I counted the costs when I began and though I’ve had a blip here, I still maintain there is no other way. I also ask for you to work on my heart further so I deal with these situations with more grace. I pray that I begin to appreciate the opportunities, like this one, to be more like you, and that I don’t look for affirmation based on others’ experiences, or look back with regret to things of no substance, or have expectations because of what seems “normal” to me. In your name, I ask these things.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Rachel
Tonight I watched Rachel dance. Rachel is an African woman from Sierra Leone who invited me to a cultural event to discover the foods, sounds, dance, and history of her country. I am so very grateful to have Rachel as a friend and to be a part of her story as well as have her be a part of mine. And it all started when . . .
My church has a secret sister ministry. To participate, we fill out a fairly short form with family member names, favorite hobbies, favorite foods, prayer requests, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., and then we draw someone else's name. We become that lady's secret sister. My first secret sister assignment upon arriving in Edmonton was Rachel. I had no idea who Rachel was, which was ironic since I knew most of the church (even though it was a large church) and most of the church knew me. It just so happens that this church was responsible for me coming to know Jesus Christ even though at the time I lived about 2,000 miles away and in a different country.
Anyway, I asked my friend Brenda -- a board member -- and she said, "Oh yes, you know, she's one of the women from Sierra Leone."
Well, I did not know, actually, though I had heard some of the stories about these amazing women who had emigrated to Canada in 2002 due to the horrific civil war in their country. I had heard that these women lost family members and many had to leave their own children to come to Canada. When people spoke about them, there was always a tone of amazement and awe associated with these women and their strength in their circumstances.
I asked Pastor Bob if he knew anything about Rachel. He said, "She has a bullet wound in her leg from being shot as she was fleeing." What?! My secret sister had been shot? It seemed like something out of a novel or something, you know what I mean?
Rachel's form indicated she had one child -- Prince -- in his late teens. Her favorite color was yellow, a favorite hobby was reading, and chocolate was on her list of favorite goodies. Rachel was alot like me in these regards. I knew from my other research that her husband had been killed and she had other children left in Sierra Leone. I could not imagine what this must be like on a daily basis.
The rules of the Secret Sister ministry indicate that our focus is on praying for our secret sister and offer encouraging cards or small gifts. Well, I felt a bit sorry for Rachel because I have not been in a position to give anything other than small gifts for a while! But I tried to make whatever I gave as interesting as I could by writing up a poem to go with it or something of that nature. And at the end of the year, when we revealed who we were, Rachel said, "Oh, it was YOU who gave me all those wonderful gifts!" She was quite kind.
After we "met" she went back to Sierra Leone for a month -- she wanted to find her family. When she came back, we were able to have our first real dialogue after beginning this relationship. I asked her about her trip. She had managed to find her daughters. When she originally left, her two daugthers were aged 12 and 16 or thereabouts, and now they are 16 and 20. Like most young women there through the strife, they were repeatedly raped and abused. After the war "ended", they managed to get themselves into a camp in another African country (can't remember which one). It is there Rachel found them. She took them out of the camp and made arrangements for them to live with an Aunt. Rachel started the process of trying to see if they could come here, and then Rachel returned to Canada.
I couldn't imagine how it must feel to have your daughters tell you about these horrific things, and I asked Rachel about it. She said, "I could not listen to it." I can only guess at her pain. You don't bring children into the world to have them hurt.
Rachel will be going back to Sierra Leone to live with her family.
Tonight I sit with mutual friends Margaret and Chuck in the midst of perhaps eighty people from Sierra Leone and enjoy learning about their traditions. We had a wonderful dinner (great fish and chicken and several rice dishes with sauces and hot sauces, as well as ginger beer), we heard beautiful music and saw traditional dancing, and we learned some of the facts and history of Sierra Leone.
I thank God today for Rachel, and for the example she is to me of a woman dealing with some of the worst difficulties a woman and parent could deal with, and doing it with God's evident grace. I pray for Rachel's daughters. I pray that the good memories have started accumulating in their minds, and that new good experiences and memories made begin to outnumber and outweigh the bad ones. I pray that Rachel's daughters be healed, both physically and emotionally, through faith in Jesus Christ. I thank you for allowing Rachel to bless me with her story, her culture and her friendship, and I pray God's blessing on her as she journeys toward Sierra Leone once again.
My church has a secret sister ministry. To participate, we fill out a fairly short form with family member names, favorite hobbies, favorite foods, prayer requests, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., and then we draw someone else's name. We become that lady's secret sister. My first secret sister assignment upon arriving in Edmonton was Rachel. I had no idea who Rachel was, which was ironic since I knew most of the church (even though it was a large church) and most of the church knew me. It just so happens that this church was responsible for me coming to know Jesus Christ even though at the time I lived about 2,000 miles away and in a different country.
Anyway, I asked my friend Brenda -- a board member -- and she said, "Oh yes, you know, she's one of the women from Sierra Leone."
Well, I did not know, actually, though I had heard some of the stories about these amazing women who had emigrated to Canada in 2002 due to the horrific civil war in their country. I had heard that these women lost family members and many had to leave their own children to come to Canada. When people spoke about them, there was always a tone of amazement and awe associated with these women and their strength in their circumstances.
I asked Pastor Bob if he knew anything about Rachel. He said, "She has a bullet wound in her leg from being shot as she was fleeing." What?! My secret sister had been shot? It seemed like something out of a novel or something, you know what I mean?
Rachel's form indicated she had one child -- Prince -- in his late teens. Her favorite color was yellow, a favorite hobby was reading, and chocolate was on her list of favorite goodies. Rachel was alot like me in these regards. I knew from my other research that her husband had been killed and she had other children left in Sierra Leone. I could not imagine what this must be like on a daily basis.
The rules of the Secret Sister ministry indicate that our focus is on praying for our secret sister and offer encouraging cards or small gifts. Well, I felt a bit sorry for Rachel because I have not been in a position to give anything other than small gifts for a while! But I tried to make whatever I gave as interesting as I could by writing up a poem to go with it or something of that nature. And at the end of the year, when we revealed who we were, Rachel said, "Oh, it was YOU who gave me all those wonderful gifts!" She was quite kind.
After we "met" she went back to Sierra Leone for a month -- she wanted to find her family. When she came back, we were able to have our first real dialogue after beginning this relationship. I asked her about her trip. She had managed to find her daughters. When she originally left, her two daugthers were aged 12 and 16 or thereabouts, and now they are 16 and 20. Like most young women there through the strife, they were repeatedly raped and abused. After the war "ended", they managed to get themselves into a camp in another African country (can't remember which one). It is there Rachel found them. She took them out of the camp and made arrangements for them to live with an Aunt. Rachel started the process of trying to see if they could come here, and then Rachel returned to Canada.
I couldn't imagine how it must feel to have your daughters tell you about these horrific things, and I asked Rachel about it. She said, "I could not listen to it." I can only guess at her pain. You don't bring children into the world to have them hurt.
Rachel will be going back to Sierra Leone to live with her family.
Tonight I sit with mutual friends Margaret and Chuck in the midst of perhaps eighty people from Sierra Leone and enjoy learning about their traditions. We had a wonderful dinner (great fish and chicken and several rice dishes with sauces and hot sauces, as well as ginger beer), we heard beautiful music and saw traditional dancing, and we learned some of the facts and history of Sierra Leone.
I thank God today for Rachel, and for the example she is to me of a woman dealing with some of the worst difficulties a woman and parent could deal with, and doing it with God's evident grace. I pray for Rachel's daughters. I pray that the good memories have started accumulating in their minds, and that new good experiences and memories made begin to outnumber and outweigh the bad ones. I pray that Rachel's daughters be healed, both physically and emotionally, through faith in Jesus Christ. I thank you for allowing Rachel to bless me with her story, her culture and her friendship, and I pray God's blessing on her as she journeys toward Sierra Leone once again.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Thirteens
It is all about the number 13 today it appears:
Prov. 14:13: "Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains."
Prov. 15:13: "A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit."
Prov. 14:13: "Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains."
Prov. 15:13: "A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit."
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Wednesday
"Teach us to make the most of our time,
so that we may grow in wisdom."
Psalm 90:12
God, what does "make the most" mean? I can think of lots of synonyms, both words and expressions. "Optimalize" our time. "Capitalize" our time -- though not quite as accurate. "Fill up" our time. "Seek the greatest return on investment" of our time. All very interesting to me, Lord, but what about my time specifically? What would you have me do that makes the most of my time so that I may grow in wisdom?
You are the Almighty.
You have the plan.
You love me more than I love myself.
You see my strengths and my weaknesses.
You know me inside and out.
You are the holder of all wisdom.
You are my maker, my creator, my God.
You breathe, and the wind follows your command.
The leaves on the trees respond with praises.
The grass bows to your will.
The waves on the sea line up to attend you.
The strongest, most resilient fortress can not sustain
your softest breath.
Breathe on me, O Lord.
so that we may grow in wisdom."
Psalm 90:12
God, what does "make the most" mean? I can think of lots of synonyms, both words and expressions. "Optimalize" our time. "Capitalize" our time -- though not quite as accurate. "Fill up" our time. "Seek the greatest return on investment" of our time. All very interesting to me, Lord, but what about my time specifically? What would you have me do that makes the most of my time so that I may grow in wisdom?
You are the Almighty.
You have the plan.
You love me more than I love myself.
You see my strengths and my weaknesses.
You know me inside and out.
You are the holder of all wisdom.
You are my maker, my creator, my God.
You breathe, and the wind follows your command.
The leaves on the trees respond with praises.
The grass bows to your will.
The waves on the sea line up to attend you.
The strongest, most resilient fortress can not sustain
your softest breath.
Breathe on me, O Lord.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Musings in 2 Kings and then 1 Kings
So, my reading today was 2 Kings 21-25. Reading about the lives of the Kings of Israel and Judah is so very interesting to me. Studying leaders, their styles, their character, their flaws, their excellence, really floats my boat. The actions of leaders determine many of the circumstances for the rest of us.
Anyway, today's inspiration is Josiah. One of the seemingly few really good ones. A man of swift, sure action. As SOON as he discovered his kingdom had not been following God, he took action to rectify the situation. He did not wait a day, a week, a month. He didn't try to overanalyze the situation. He took action. Repented right away and began making restitution so to speak to the Lord. I love people of action like that and want to be with them.
As Josiah was tearing down altars and pagan shrines, he ran across some graves. One in particular was the grave of a man of God who had long ago predicted Josiah's actions in the area. So, Josiah left that grave alone.
I looked up that reference to the man of God who spoke to King Jeroboam. In my reading then in 1 Kings, I ran across this little tidbit for today. Jeroboam was very, very evil. God spared none of the rod in his punishment. At one point, Jeroboam's son was very ill and Jeroboam sent his wife to a prophet to see if the child would live. God spoke through the prophet Ahijah: "Go on home, and when you enter the city, the child will die. All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the Lord, the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam."
I guess what is interesting to me is the value we put on life here on this earth, and the constant reminder in the bible of how little that value is. God declared that the child was the ONLY good thing in the entire family. And yet, God allowed the child to die. I would venture a guess that if you or I knew a family down the street, say a large drug-selling, drug-taking, law-breaking family, and we knew there was one child in that family that was good, we would seek to have that child live and the rest die, so to speak. Am I wrong? Honestly, we would send in troopers to rescue that child, notwithstanding casualties among the rest.
God, on the other hand, sometimes appears to rescue the child by having him/her live in HIS world, and the rest he leaves to suffer here in THIS world. I am reminded again, that death on this earth -- death of dreams, death of plans, death of jobs, death of families, death of anything -- is not the end. Death on this earth is just the beginning.
Anyway, today's inspiration is Josiah. One of the seemingly few really good ones. A man of swift, sure action. As SOON as he discovered his kingdom had not been following God, he took action to rectify the situation. He did not wait a day, a week, a month. He didn't try to overanalyze the situation. He took action. Repented right away and began making restitution so to speak to the Lord. I love people of action like that and want to be with them.
As Josiah was tearing down altars and pagan shrines, he ran across some graves. One in particular was the grave of a man of God who had long ago predicted Josiah's actions in the area. So, Josiah left that grave alone.
I looked up that reference to the man of God who spoke to King Jeroboam. In my reading then in 1 Kings, I ran across this little tidbit for today. Jeroboam was very, very evil. God spared none of the rod in his punishment. At one point, Jeroboam's son was very ill and Jeroboam sent his wife to a prophet to see if the child would live. God spoke through the prophet Ahijah: "Go on home, and when you enter the city, the child will die. All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the Lord, the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam."
I guess what is interesting to me is the value we put on life here on this earth, and the constant reminder in the bible of how little that value is. God declared that the child was the ONLY good thing in the entire family. And yet, God allowed the child to die. I would venture a guess that if you or I knew a family down the street, say a large drug-selling, drug-taking, law-breaking family, and we knew there was one child in that family that was good, we would seek to have that child live and the rest die, so to speak. Am I wrong? Honestly, we would send in troopers to rescue that child, notwithstanding casualties among the rest.
God, on the other hand, sometimes appears to rescue the child by having him/her live in HIS world, and the rest he leaves to suffer here in THIS world. I am reminded again, that death on this earth -- death of dreams, death of plans, death of jobs, death of families, death of anything -- is not the end. Death on this earth is just the beginning.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tum Tatty Tum!
'Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven." '
Matthew 18:2-3
Tum Tatty Tum!
Now, that title makes absolutely no sense at all . . . unless your name is Kathy and you are looking into the earnest big blue eyes of a little two and a half year old girl named Ava who is tugging your hand and trying to lead you somewhere.
Ava is very special to me. She was the first little baby I got to know when I moved to Edmonton two years ago. Jaycee, Ava's mom, and I were both participating in promoting the move to our new church -- now North Pointe -- and I offered to watch Ava while Jaycee was being filmed. Oh, that little Ava was a charmer. She was quite attentive at that time and her eyes saw everything I did -- in her eyes, you could see information was being processed. We sat in the hall, and Pastor Bob came down for a visit, too. Her eyes followed him everywhere from then on!
Anyway, I talked with Jaycee just a little and then we parted ways. That weekend, I went to the St. Albert Farmer's Market with my friend Patti. As we were strolling around looking at specialty foods, fragrant soaps, pottery, etc., I noticed a cute little rubber ducky and could not resist purchasing it for Ava. I gave it to Jaycee in church on Sunday. Shortly after that, Jaycee and I were at a Women's Ministry event and Jaycee told me that her little boy had received the gift of a rubber ducky when he was a baby, too. Lori Lorence had given him that gift, and though I never met her, Lori played a huge role in my becoming a Christian three years ago. When Jaycee told me about the rubber ducky, it seemed as if God was letting me know I was walking on His path still.
So, I have felt a bond with Ava since the day I met her. That the feeling has been mutual on Ava's part has not always been clear. In fact, in the last two years, I believe there were three days that Ava actuallly seemed to like me. Typically, when our paths meet and I call out a "Hi, Ava!", a big "No!" comes back along with an attempt to hide behind her mother. If I persist, the blunt "No!" turns into a wailed "Noooooooooo!" so I have learned not to persist. (Wait a minute, shouldn't the kids learn from the adults?)
But on those three days that Ava liked me, I felt like a Queen. Like I could write the book on "Winning Ways With Children." Like I had learned the combination to a highly coveted club or something. You know what I mean, right? I would live in that bubble until the following Sunday when I would hear "No!" again. Don't misunderstand me, I knew that Ava was not actually rejecting me with her "No!" and I never took it personally. But those days when there seemed to be acceptance were just very special!
I'm housesitting for Jaycee and Derek for the next couple of weeks, so I went over for dinner last night to get the "low down" on my temporary abode. I wondered how Ava would react to me in her own house. After knocking on the door, Jaycee letting me in, and the dog Griffin greeting me, I turned and said hello to Ava. She grinned her impish little grin and showed me a couple of her toys. After that, Jaycee began showing me around. Ava wanted to show me more toys, though, and came and tugged on me. "Tum Tatty Tum."
We continued our tour of the house, and then it was time for dinner. A wonderful spaghetti, meat sauce, garlic bread and delicious salad dinner was served. I recall Ava trying to fit fistfuls of cut up spaghetti in her mouth as fast as she could, and she ended up being the first to be done. She got out of her chair and Jaycee washed her hands. Ava came over to implore me with her big eyes and little voice again..."Tum Tatty Tum." I heard that several times as I finished my meal as quickly as I could so I could experience whatever little treat Ava had in store for me next. "Tum Tatty Tum."
She grabbed me by the hand and led me upstairs once again to her room. She wanted me to read her "Pooh Bear" calendar to her, so I did. She showed me her baby and her baby's brush, more toys, and books, too. Jaycee was hosting an Epicure Spice party, and people began arriving. I headed downstairs to join them, but halfway down the stairs, I heard a protesting little voice -- "Tum Tatty Tum."
I continued downstairs and joined the party. What a great time -- we tasted a variety of dips and spices and chocolate. Throughout the evening, Ava would look at me from across the room, or come stand by me, or even sit on my lap and sample chips and dips. She would look at me with those beseeching blue eyes -- "Tum Tatty Tum."
All in all, it was a great evening. Looking back on it now, I realize how truly fortunate I am to be a part of a group of people that includes families like Jaycee, Derek, Ava and Zach. And as I remember Ava's pretty blue eyes pleading with me, I once again hear God's voice in my ear . . . "Come, Kathy, Come."
Matthew 18:2-3
Tum Tatty Tum!
Now, that title makes absolutely no sense at all . . . unless your name is Kathy and you are looking into the earnest big blue eyes of a little two and a half year old girl named Ava who is tugging your hand and trying to lead you somewhere.
Ava is very special to me. She was the first little baby I got to know when I moved to Edmonton two years ago. Jaycee, Ava's mom, and I were both participating in promoting the move to our new church -- now North Pointe -- and I offered to watch Ava while Jaycee was being filmed. Oh, that little Ava was a charmer. She was quite attentive at that time and her eyes saw everything I did -- in her eyes, you could see information was being processed. We sat in the hall, and Pastor Bob came down for a visit, too. Her eyes followed him everywhere from then on!
Anyway, I talked with Jaycee just a little and then we parted ways. That weekend, I went to the St. Albert Farmer's Market with my friend Patti. As we were strolling around looking at specialty foods, fragrant soaps, pottery, etc., I noticed a cute little rubber ducky and could not resist purchasing it for Ava. I gave it to Jaycee in church on Sunday. Shortly after that, Jaycee and I were at a Women's Ministry event and Jaycee told me that her little boy had received the gift of a rubber ducky when he was a baby, too. Lori Lorence had given him that gift, and though I never met her, Lori played a huge role in my becoming a Christian three years ago. When Jaycee told me about the rubber ducky, it seemed as if God was letting me know I was walking on His path still.
So, I have felt a bond with Ava since the day I met her. That the feeling has been mutual on Ava's part has not always been clear. In fact, in the last two years, I believe there were three days that Ava actuallly seemed to like me. Typically, when our paths meet and I call out a "Hi, Ava!", a big "No!" comes back along with an attempt to hide behind her mother. If I persist, the blunt "No!" turns into a wailed "Noooooooooo!" so I have learned not to persist. (Wait a minute, shouldn't the kids learn from the adults?)
But on those three days that Ava liked me, I felt like a Queen. Like I could write the book on "Winning Ways With Children." Like I had learned the combination to a highly coveted club or something. You know what I mean, right? I would live in that bubble until the following Sunday when I would hear "No!" again. Don't misunderstand me, I knew that Ava was not actually rejecting me with her "No!" and I never took it personally. But those days when there seemed to be acceptance were just very special!
I'm housesitting for Jaycee and Derek for the next couple of weeks, so I went over for dinner last night to get the "low down" on my temporary abode. I wondered how Ava would react to me in her own house. After knocking on the door, Jaycee letting me in, and the dog Griffin greeting me, I turned and said hello to Ava. She grinned her impish little grin and showed me a couple of her toys. After that, Jaycee began showing me around. Ava wanted to show me more toys, though, and came and tugged on me. "Tum Tatty Tum."
We continued our tour of the house, and then it was time for dinner. A wonderful spaghetti, meat sauce, garlic bread and delicious salad dinner was served. I recall Ava trying to fit fistfuls of cut up spaghetti in her mouth as fast as she could, and she ended up being the first to be done. She got out of her chair and Jaycee washed her hands. Ava came over to implore me with her big eyes and little voice again..."Tum Tatty Tum." I heard that several times as I finished my meal as quickly as I could so I could experience whatever little treat Ava had in store for me next. "Tum Tatty Tum."
She grabbed me by the hand and led me upstairs once again to her room. She wanted me to read her "Pooh Bear" calendar to her, so I did. She showed me her baby and her baby's brush, more toys, and books, too. Jaycee was hosting an Epicure Spice party, and people began arriving. I headed downstairs to join them, but halfway down the stairs, I heard a protesting little voice -- "Tum Tatty Tum."
I continued downstairs and joined the party. What a great time -- we tasted a variety of dips and spices and chocolate. Throughout the evening, Ava would look at me from across the room, or come stand by me, or even sit on my lap and sample chips and dips. She would look at me with those beseeching blue eyes -- "Tum Tatty Tum."
All in all, it was a great evening. Looking back on it now, I realize how truly fortunate I am to be a part of a group of people that includes families like Jaycee, Derek, Ava and Zach. And as I remember Ava's pretty blue eyes pleading with me, I once again hear God's voice in my ear . . . "Come, Kathy, Come."
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Trust
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy." Proverbs 13:12
Oh Lord, I ask you hear my prayer to you tonight.
I thank you for your mercy and grace in my life.
I am quite certain that without it,
I would not be here today.
Your providence is evident in so many ways.
You have spoken to me about your love for me, Lord.
You will not leave me nor forsake me.
You will not abandon me when the going gets tough.
The going is getting tough, Lord.
The trust is gone - there is no one left but you.
Only you can restore this heart of mine.
I am bereft and without hope
Seeking you in the valley of the death of my dreams.
Every beat of my heart hurts worse than the last,
Each breath taken is an attempt to ease pain.
God, how can there be so many tears inside one person?
What eyes deserve to shed them in the presence of one who shed his life?
And yet, they flow freely still.
I seek to be strong like you in the face of adversity,
But as a ship struck in the night by a torpedo,
I sink to the bottom of the ocean,
Lifeless and lost in a sea of activity.
Lord, will you not step in?
Will you not require some measure of fairness for
and from your servants?
I cry out for you.
Oh Lord, I ask you hear my prayer to you tonight.
I thank you for your mercy and grace in my life.
I am quite certain that without it,
I would not be here today.
Your providence is evident in so many ways.
You have spoken to me about your love for me, Lord.
You will not leave me nor forsake me.
You will not abandon me when the going gets tough.
The going is getting tough, Lord.
The trust is gone - there is no one left but you.
Only you can restore this heart of mine.
I am bereft and without hope
Seeking you in the valley of the death of my dreams.
Every beat of my heart hurts worse than the last,
Each breath taken is an attempt to ease pain.
God, how can there be so many tears inside one person?
What eyes deserve to shed them in the presence of one who shed his life?
And yet, they flow freely still.
I seek to be strong like you in the face of adversity,
But as a ship struck in the night by a torpedo,
I sink to the bottom of the ocean,
Lifeless and lost in a sea of activity.
Lord, will you not step in?
Will you not require some measure of fairness for
and from your servants?
I cry out for you.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
My Friend
Dear God --
Tonight I pray for my friend, Kim.
She is a young 31, slim, gorgeous Italian woman.
She would like to be married, have kids, etc., just like
most of would. But things have not yet worked out that way.
Lord, I'm not sure why this happens to some of us and not to others.
But tonight I pray for Kim and her situation.
First, I thank you, God, for Kim being a part of my life and a huge inspiration to me.
I thank you that in times when I've been down and out, Kim has been there to pull me
out of the doldrums.
I thank you for having Kim pray for me for a year to come to know you, and that
you listened and answered those prayers.
I pray, Lord, that you now hear the desires of her heart and answer them.
I pray that you let her know in a tangible, obvious way that you love her and
won't leave her to struggle with this alone.
I pray that when she does feel down and out, that you give her a boost through me
or someone else so that she knows she doesn't struggle alone.
I pray that Kim looks to you to answer this need in her life -- Lord, it is hard to go
through this life alone!!!
Lord, give Kim peace of mind that you are working on this as we pray and indeed
you have a plan to answer these prayers.
I look forward, Lord, to seeing how you are going to work this out in Kim's life.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Tonight I pray for my friend, Kim.
She is a young 31, slim, gorgeous Italian woman.
She would like to be married, have kids, etc., just like
most of would. But things have not yet worked out that way.
Lord, I'm not sure why this happens to some of us and not to others.
But tonight I pray for Kim and her situation.
First, I thank you, God, for Kim being a part of my life and a huge inspiration to me.
I thank you that in times when I've been down and out, Kim has been there to pull me
out of the doldrums.
I thank you for having Kim pray for me for a year to come to know you, and that
you listened and answered those prayers.
I pray, Lord, that you now hear the desires of her heart and answer them.
I pray that you let her know in a tangible, obvious way that you love her and
won't leave her to struggle with this alone.
I pray that when she does feel down and out, that you give her a boost through me
or someone else so that she knows she doesn't struggle alone.
I pray that Kim looks to you to answer this need in her life -- Lord, it is hard to go
through this life alone!!!
Lord, give Kim peace of mind that you are working on this as we pray and indeed
you have a plan to answer these prayers.
I look forward, Lord, to seeing how you are going to work this out in Kim's life.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Monday, July 10, 2006
So . . . . .
I had perhaps the worst week of my existence, in many ways, last week. I am not happy or proud of it either. But after falling in love, whether it is with a person, a church family, a culture, whatever, it is perhaps the most painful thing of all to say goodbye. And I don't think I have done a lot of real falling in love before now. Sad to say it, but I think it is true.
The mere idea of leaving my church family right now left me biting dust if you know what I mean. So, the concept of loss became tangible to me last Monday, I believe, and for 5 days I spent the majority of my time in a near catatonic state. It wasn't pretty. By Friday, I realized that church on Sunday was going to be too hard. I wrote some goodbye e-mails that gave me an out from Church. Saturday was not much better in terms of my attitude.
And then came Sunday. I woke up at about 4:10 am - it was getting light. It was a beautiful day. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I heard some ducks squabbling on the pond in the back, so I decided to do my bible reading on the deck. Down the stairs, put on the coffee, watered the plants, grabbed my cuppa joe, and went out on the deck.
Have you ever had times where the beauty of your surroundings gives you so much joy that it is hard to bear? This was such a moment. I marveled at God's creation again - ducks were squabbling on the pond, little red- and yellow-winged blackbirds were landing close by me on the feeder and would let out a sqwak because I was there and making them too nervous to eat, the water on the pond was twinkling, the sun was shining, there were fluffy white clouds in the mostly blue sky. To me it was as close to perfect as you could get.
"Thank you God for providing me a place where I could be sad mostly in private. Thank you for a beautiful temporary home and your perfect creation to enjoy this morning. Thank you for such a beautiful place to read your word today -- I pray you open my heart to hear what you would have me hear this morning."
Colossians 1&2
"May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father."
Thank you, Lord. That I am even alive today is by your grace alone. Thank you for the opportunity to
serve you today. Lord, please be with me today, please walk with me today. Thank you.
"For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness . . . "
Lord, I understand this concept, but I'm feeling some darkness here.
"Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that
come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from
Christ."
Lord, thank you for a good teacher who keeps it simple.
"So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths."
Ah, excellent, then it is okay if I don't go to church?
"You have plenty to do, Kathy, you should get busy."
Is that you, Lord?
"You have alot to do in the next week -- go get busy. Go down to your house and get started on that awful mess in your room."
Okay, Lord, so you are okay we me not going to church?
"Kathy, you have a big move coming up -- you better get started -- try starting with a shower, okay?"
So, seemingly absolved from the obligation to go to church, I came indoors and decided to do some checking out of people's blogs. I thought of some of the young adults in the church, and decided it had been a while since I had checked out Ryan Hastman's blog. So, I checked it out. After reading about Ryan's latest favorite "hottie" type of thing :) I read his next entry in which he explains Christianity quite succinctly. Here's the link, see for yourself:
http://ryanhastman.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-is-my-religion-religion.html
" it's about a relationship with a God who is a person, not an abstract force of nature; who knows my name personally and actually cares about my life; and who gives selfish-me a desire to love others because He loved them first."
God, I love my church family so much. But I feel such a failure -- I don't want to say goodbye. So, I don't have to go, right?
"That's it. Its not about not-swearing, not-drinking, not doing this and not doing that. That stuff is a natural by-product of the important things. And its FOR SURE not about judging people, anyone. We're all screwed up."
Wow! That matches up with my other reading.
Back out to sit on the deck and pray:
"God, I need your help. You know my circumstances, and I don't know what to do. I need to know what you would have me do with this circumstance. I will sit here until I hear from you."
"You need to leave it all to me. There is nothing more you can do. Remember: Love Me, love your neighbor."
God, I want to go to church. I guess I would prefer my last Sunday be filled with loving my family in person, and not hurting anyone else, than packing for a trip that might never happen and licking my wounds. Thank you, God, for clarifying and providing me direction through your Word and Ryan's, too.
The mere idea of leaving my church family right now left me biting dust if you know what I mean. So, the concept of loss became tangible to me last Monday, I believe, and for 5 days I spent the majority of my time in a near catatonic state. It wasn't pretty. By Friday, I realized that church on Sunday was going to be too hard. I wrote some goodbye e-mails that gave me an out from Church. Saturday was not much better in terms of my attitude.
And then came Sunday. I woke up at about 4:10 am - it was getting light. It was a beautiful day. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I heard some ducks squabbling on the pond in the back, so I decided to do my bible reading on the deck. Down the stairs, put on the coffee, watered the plants, grabbed my cuppa joe, and went out on the deck.
Have you ever had times where the beauty of your surroundings gives you so much joy that it is hard to bear? This was such a moment. I marveled at God's creation again - ducks were squabbling on the pond, little red- and yellow-winged blackbirds were landing close by me on the feeder and would let out a sqwak because I was there and making them too nervous to eat, the water on the pond was twinkling, the sun was shining, there were fluffy white clouds in the mostly blue sky. To me it was as close to perfect as you could get.
"Thank you God for providing me a place where I could be sad mostly in private. Thank you for a beautiful temporary home and your perfect creation to enjoy this morning. Thank you for such a beautiful place to read your word today -- I pray you open my heart to hear what you would have me hear this morning."
Colossians 1&2
"May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father."
Thank you, Lord. That I am even alive today is by your grace alone. Thank you for the opportunity to
serve you today. Lord, please be with me today, please walk with me today. Thank you.
"For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness . . . "
Lord, I understand this concept, but I'm feeling some darkness here.
"Don't let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that
come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from
Christ."
Lord, thank you for a good teacher who keeps it simple.
"So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths."
Ah, excellent, then it is okay if I don't go to church?
"You have plenty to do, Kathy, you should get busy."
Is that you, Lord?
"You have alot to do in the next week -- go get busy. Go down to your house and get started on that awful mess in your room."
Okay, Lord, so you are okay we me not going to church?
"Kathy, you have a big move coming up -- you better get started -- try starting with a shower, okay?"
So, seemingly absolved from the obligation to go to church, I came indoors and decided to do some checking out of people's blogs. I thought of some of the young adults in the church, and decided it had been a while since I had checked out Ryan Hastman's blog. So, I checked it out. After reading about Ryan's latest favorite "hottie" type of thing :) I read his next entry in which he explains Christianity quite succinctly. Here's the link, see for yourself:
http://ryanhastman.blogspot.com/2006/07/what-is-my-religion-religion.html
" it's about a relationship with a God who is a person, not an abstract force of nature; who knows my name personally and actually cares about my life; and who gives selfish-me a desire to love others because He loved them first."
God, I love my church family so much. But I feel such a failure -- I don't want to say goodbye. So, I don't have to go, right?
"That's it. Its not about not-swearing, not-drinking, not doing this and not doing that. That stuff is a natural by-product of the important things. And its FOR SURE not about judging people, anyone. We're all screwed up."
Wow! That matches up with my other reading.
Back out to sit on the deck and pray:
"God, I need your help. You know my circumstances, and I don't know what to do. I need to know what you would have me do with this circumstance. I will sit here until I hear from you."
"You need to leave it all to me. There is nothing more you can do. Remember: Love Me, love your neighbor."
God, I want to go to church. I guess I would prefer my last Sunday be filled with loving my family in person, and not hurting anyone else, than packing for a trip that might never happen and licking my wounds. Thank you, God, for clarifying and providing me direction through your Word and Ryan's, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
