Rebuked

“Then Joab went to the king’s room and said to him, “We saved your life today and the lives of your sons, your daughters, and your wives and concubines. Yet you act like this, making us feel ashamed, as though we had done something wrong. You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that we mean nothing to you. If Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased.”
2 Samuel 19:5-6

Rebuked

I wonder if you are like me. I wonder if you have had a number of experiences where you love somebody, or you are loyal to somebody, or you go to bat for somebody, or you help somebody out . . . and then, that somebody rejects you. It seems as if they don’t care or don’t value real love or loyalty, or they aren’t able to distinguish real love or loyalty from false love or loyalty. I have experienced this too many times in my life. It wearies me.

I think many children experience this as they integrate into some public school systems. Most children want to be accepted – I would guess acceptance is even a developmental need in order to become a well-balanced adult. But there aren’t many schools I have been to where all kids are accepted or feel accepted. Wanting to be part of the “in-crowd” in a way indicates a child’s love for those already in the “in-crowd” – at least from the child’s perspective. What happens when that acceptance doesn’t occur? We feel a lot like Joab did when he rebuked David. Why would anyone reject us who love and demonstrate our love in tangible, sacrificial and costly ways?

Fact is, if you were like me at times, feeling not accepted by a chosen peer group, you then began rejecting those people that actually loved you! I remember being asked to a Homecoming dance by our Chilean exchange student who I was certainly fascinated with, but I turned him down – not part of the in-crowd. Thus, there was no Homecoming dance for me. (By the way, in thinking about this, I am extremely embarrassed at how stupid I was as well as how unkind I could be. My loss totally.)

I spent my time wondering why those I loved hated me and those I hated loved me. In hindsight, the irony is that I hated those who loved me and loved those who hated me.

I remember a Business Communications Course I took from the University of Virginia’s Falls Church extension campus. I was just starting to go back to school after years of not really trying at all, and I was a bit insecure – especially about writing. Though creative writing was a part of my growing up years, my last year of high school and subsequent years found me claiming to have “writer’s block”. I did not seem to be able to spit out a paper no matter my efforts.

There were about a dozen students. Our instructor was well-recognized and well-educated in the field of business communications. She had an interest particularly in the differences in communication styles between men and women. We read one of Deborah Tannen’s books to aid in our understanding of the subject. She also spent a lot of time on understanding meta-messages we give in our communications with others. Body language, choice of words, timing, etc., were all studied and debated.

It was interesting to go back to school as an adult. There were a lot of similarities to elementary school in this classroom. Whenever the instructor was not there, most of the students would criticize her and mock her in a very immature way. I did not participate as that particular behavior disgusted me. I held my tongue and simply did my work. I thought my work was pretty good, too. Developing presentations in this subject was fun.

We started getting writing assignments, and my grades came back a bit lower than I liked, but I figured that was just a function of so many years since any effort was made. We students compared grades – ah yes, mine was low compared to many. There were some high “A”’s floating around, and none of them floated toward me! They all floated to students who even mocked the “A”s they were given. They mimicked, they mocked, they didn’t do their work until the night before it was due. I respected, I honoured, I did copious amounts of work during the week before the assignment was due. They ended up with “A”s and I ended up with a “C+”. The instructor even honoured a particular woman in the class as the best in the class. Can you guess what I am going to tell you next? If you guessed that the woman she honoured was actually the ringleader and the worst of the mockers and mimickers, then you are right. I felt just like Joab felt, but did nothing because I also felt perhaps my writing really wasn’t very good at all or was just starting to redevelop.

I can think of numerous times in the workplace, some involving me, some not, when I observed this same situation of a boss not knowing who his/her real allies were and who was working against them.

The Bible tells of one such instance. Check out 2 Chronicles 23 and 24. The story is told of Joash – a King of Judah. According to the Bible, “Joash did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight throughout the lifetime of Jehoiada the priest.” (2 Chronicles 24 : 2) Jehoiada and his wife Jehosheba hid and protected Joash from death as an infant as nearly all of the rest of his family was wiped out. Jehoiada and his sons anointed Joash as the King while dethroning Athaliah (not a good queen). Jehoiada chose wives for Joash. Jehoiada helped Joash repair the Temple.

Jehoiada died at 130 years old. His lifetime of loyal service was rewarded by Joash as can be read in 2 Chronicles 24 : 21-22: “Then the leaders plotted to kill Zechariah, and King Joash ordered that they stone him to death in the courtyard of the Lord’s Temple. That was how King Joash repaid Jehoiada for his loyalty—by killing his son. Zechariah’s last words as he died were, ‘May the Lord see what they are doing and avenge my death!’ “

Honestly, what is up with that? All those things that Jehoiada did amounted to NOTHING in Joash’s mind? How could it not be obvious to Joash that Jehoiada loved him?

The Bible tells us to “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Colossians 3 : 23) But when you feel misunderstood, misused, rejected, or any combination of these things, by your earthly master so to speak, it is tempting to speak up as did Joab. As a Christian, sometimes it is hard to know when to speak up and when to stay silent. Staying silent is often the preferred choice (do I really need to use a scripture reference – see all of Proverbs!)

Tonight I pray that the Lord works on my heart in terms of this issue. I pray that I start to care less and less and less about who the “in-crowd” is and care more and more and more about those who are still a part of the crowd that is outside of the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I pray for the forgiveness of my sins, including “hating” the ones who have loved me, and I forgive those who have seemed to hate me even though I have loved them. I pray that with the writing of this devotional, I let the past be the past, and begin to move forward again. I pray for the lightness of spirit that only real forgiveness can bring. And Lord, when I want to speak out of turn, please rebuke me.