Too Far

God is good.

Feel free to stop reading right there. Truly, God is good. I have a pattern in my life that may need to change. I persist. And persist. And persist. Many times I persist far beyond what is considered normal. It is not enough for me to win an argument -- you must actually agree with me in the end for me to be happy. I am a very mission or project oriented person, and though people think I multi-task well, they don't know what is going on in my head. I am generally focused on one thing at a time, and if too many problems crop up, well, none of them get resolved. I will persist, persist, persist on whatever it is I am doing at the expense of everything else.

In some things, this trait is useful. For instance, in terms of athletics, persisting and pushing limits is a good thing in most circumstances. When I coached one of my sisters playing tennis, I would tell her going into a match, "Remember, you have all day to play this match. Don't be rushed. Persist. Stay with it." I like aggressive playing and a quick win whenever possible, but alot of times, particularly in traditional women's tennis, persistence is key. Being willing to stay out there until you win is the battle of wills, really. And it is usually your own internal battle. When I played what little competitive tennis I played way back when, I was determined, no matter what, to not lose a match on my serve. Even if I was down 0-6, 0-5, and it was my serve, I was determined not to lose that match on my serve. I visualized winning that game no matter what. I'm certain I must have lost matches on my serve, but I bet that wasn't typical for me. I don't remember losing matches on my serve very often.

I push limits. Probably other people's limits as well as my own. I learned how to push limits on a track. Every year, American schools have "Presidential" competitions or something like that. Everyone does these standard activities and based on results, gets either a presidential patch or a certificate. The activities included the broad jump, the 50-yard dash, 600-yard dash, situps, the bar-hang (I think), perhaps the shotput, perhaps other stuff. I think I got the presidential patch once. One of the most humiliating events of my growing up years was the 600-yard dash. That is about 1.5 times around a quarter-mile track, and I could not run the whole event to save my life! I simply could not. The only other person to come in after me was Bonnie Franklin. Every year, I was determined to run that whole event, and every year saw me with tears of humiliation because I would start walking somewhere around halfway through it. But one year was different. Oh, I failed the race again that year. But as other students went up the hill to the gym, I stayed down at that track determined to run a full 600-yard dash. So, I began. I persisted and persisted and persisted and indeed, I ran a full mile -- 4 times around the track. I wanted to keep going, but ran into the locker room and changed for class. I learned what it felt like to push my limits that day, and it was extremely satisfying. There is NOTHING like it.

So, yesterday, I took off on a walk. I don't know why, but I was determined to do a very, very long walk. I began from my place at 117 Street and 133 Avenue and wanted to get to the Sobey's grocery store at 97 Street and 167 Avenue. It was cool and cloudy and a bit misty out at times, too. But I made it there and felt pretty good. Got some broccoli for dinner. I started walking back home, and it soon became apparent that my legs were going to have problems with the trip. Oh, was I in pain fairly early on in the return trip. I decided to look behind me at every bus stop and if I saw a bus coming, I would stop and wait; otherwise, I would keep going. I walked most of the way without even seeing a bus at all, and by that time had reached a point where I was not going to waste the $2.25 on the trip.

I was really pushing my limits on this walk. Sometimes I push the limits in my relationships as well, and the results are not usually what I desire to experience overall. My personal recommendation is to lose this trait when arguing or disagreeing with those you love. Seriously, just lose it. Unless you are pushing your own limits of patience. That might be a good thing, but don't push the limits of others.

Anyway, somehow I made it home and was in the greatest amount of pain since a hiking trip I had taken a couple of years ago in Banff, along with Steve & Patti Hertzog. After that hiking trip, I was unable to climb stairs in any way other than one by one, and Patti -- excellent massage therapist -- had to fix me up as best she could with massage. Yesterday, I thought perhaps I had once again pushed my limits too far, and started worrying about all the implications of that scenario. The kids in the house were concerned because I was limping so heavily. But I hoped and prayed that after a night of rest, my legs would be okay. I popped anti-inflammatories and went to bed.

God is good. I woke up today and forgot I had even done a walk yesterday. I felt like he had once again given me another chance, like he wasn't going to punish me for being foolish enough to do a walk that was obviously too far for me. I hope and pray for his grace with regards to other areas where I have persisted and pushed the limits too far.