Pianissimo

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

Dear God - Pianissimo

So, it has been a while since I have played the piano. I am not a gifted pianist by any stretch of the imagination, and the purpose of my playing tends to be for relaxation and refocusing. Today, when I first struck the keys, the realization hit me of how much I missed playing the piano lately.

My training, such as it is, is in the classical genre, and I don’t really have favorites, just favorite pieces by different composers. Today, I started with Weber, then played some pieces by Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Schubert, Clementi, and Kuhlau. But one piece in particular that struck me today was one by Haydn – a little Adagio, part of a Sonatina.

Now, usually when I play the piano, and envision playing for God in Heaven, I am grateful for His grace and pray that He fixes the many wrong notes that I play. Once in a while, though, when I am playing for Him, there is a beauty that comes through that transcends my actual abilities. Tonight was one of those rare times. I played the first page of the Adagio, and let the beauty of the delicate music wash over me. Nothing I did seemed to be able to ruin this music. I began playing the final page and was astounded that the beauty of the music far surpassed the first page. Each note, chord, rhythm seemed nearly perfectly played to me and the sheer beauty of the pianissimo (i.e., very soft and quiet) music touched my heart in such a way as to cause tears to pour out from my eyes.

This was quite surprising to me, and caused me some concern, until I heard Him speak to me. “Kathy, as beautiful as this music is to you, you are to me.”

He knew that I’ve been feeling old, gray and heavy. That I’ve been reflecting on too many years wasted and feeling quite old. That I’ve been worrying too much, sleeping too little and thus seeing a grayness come into my features. That I’ve been seeing the results of too many calories in and zero calories out on my body and feeling heavy with discouragement.

I am grateful that God allowed me to hear with His ears tonight. I pray for the humility and grace that would have me see and hear others as He sees and hears me.