Brother

The news hit hard, though there was no surprise. He's in trouble again. My heart just does not know what to do with this information, except hurt.

He was at rock bottom at this time last year. In a halfway house, he elected to go to jail instead to get his sentence over with more quickly. There were opportunities. The judge wanted to put him in a program that the judge himself is involved in and work on getting him straightened out, but he could not somehow stand the routine.

He has been an alcoholic for most of his life, and the sentence he was serving was for a D.U.I. offense quite a number of years ago. He has never been far away from a bottle of some sort. A few months at most, and those months were forced upon him (i.e., jail terms).

After serving his time this last time around, he went to a VA centre (he is a veteran, having served about 3 years in his late teens / early twenties). The VA centre helped him, but he lived in a part of Detroit (I believe it was Cass Corridor) that you should experience only if you want to experience what it is like to be in a place that is drug infested, alcohol ridden, and crime friendly. The only time I've ever been there is by mistake, and just driving in it send cold chills up and down a person's spine. And if you are sensitive to despair, it will make you feel as if your heart is being squeezed and tears are flowing out of it. Overwhelming despair.

He was tested for disabilities. He was told that he should get his knee reoperated on -- the military had "botched" it pretty badly the first time around, from which he still receives disability allowances. With his history and physical condition, it was obviously hard to find a real job. He has never been able to hang on to them for very long. But, my mother's brother had an idea. One of his sons had similar problems, though resolved them at a much younger age. What helped him resolve them was the Merchant Marines.

The Merchant Marine is a fascinating organization that is civilian except in times of war. A private fleet of ships in the U.S. hires Merchant Marines for their services on these ships -- any kind of services actually. The organizations motto on one page I saw is "no bull, no bias, no pressure". They will take a person that has seen quite a bit of trouble and give them a chance. No matter your history, it seems, you can work your way up in their organization. Obviously, a military history helps place you in the organization.

I haven't seen my brother in a year, but I wondered what steps had been taken to help him when the temptation of the bottle and the self-destructive behavior would raise its ugly head again. With 25 years of the same patterned behavior, what was going to keep him from the exact same responses to his situations this time? Apparently nothing.

On a leave recently, he borrowed a shipmate's car for a weekend "to go up north" to visit friends. He did not show up at work when he was supposed to, did not return the car, and was found "sleeping it off" in the car in the Cass Corridor area, I believe, several days after he was supposed to report to work. They took him in, let him go, but impounded the vehicle. His shipmate had to bail it out so to speak. My brother very likely will lose his job.

I've been praying for my brother. We've talked about God. I've sent him information about God. The level of his resistance has been quite high. I am quite powerless in my own right to help my brother. And so I pray as I have prayed before.

"Lord, I love you. I am your servant -- no better than my brother, but with the saving knowledge of your sacrifice for me. Thank you, Lord, for forgiving my sins, though I know they have grieved you. I know of no better way to thank you than to pray to you tonight on behalf of my brother. Lord, I pray that somehow the seeds that have been planted with him over the years (I heard one story that he thought he was born again as a small child), take root. I pray that he turns to you in his despair and that he sees your face. Lord, what is impossible for any of us to do is possible with you. Is there a merchant marine who can share you with him? Can I do anything more? I pray that someone runs across his path that will get him to seek after you, Lord. I know that is the only way he will overcome - a direct connection with you. I pray he becomes of testimony of your love, Lord, as truly it would be thought of as a miracle for his life to be turned around. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."